Let's face it. Airports can bring out the worst in people. This of course makes them a great place to people-watch. I would love to be able to pick the people that make it on the flight with me, like an episode of Survivor. I want to be able to vote people off my plane. (Like the couple sitting next to me right now playing Black Jack. Grrrrr!!!!) Evidently, Ididn't look sufficiently crazy, ill, mad, diseased, horny, drunk or any other trick I might try to get people to not sit next to me. How do you fake whooping cough, I wonder? Maybe I should buy myself one of those bird flu masks and put it on as soon as I sit down. Hmmm.. In the meantime, here is some ranting on travel pretty much guaranteed to make you think twice before going anywhere with me (unless you have small children under the age of 5, in which case I will just need to borrow one of them to board early.)
Crowded flights - Crowded flights seem to be the norm. After 9/11 and with the airlines in such financial trouble, there are fewer flights out there. It sucks. Airlines that give you seat assignments are good as long as you belong to one of their frequent flier programs. If you are flying an airline that doesn't give out a seat assignment, then you have be prepared to camp out at the airport so you can stand in line for the cattle call only to be passed up by the mothers with kids, the elderly, and all of the relatives that travel with these "special groups" so they can board before me too. I have no problem with the people that need extra time to board. What I a problem with is the "entourage" that accompanies them. "Isn't it nice that all 15 of us are taking grandma to Vegas?" (This is where I am going to need to borrow your kid, thanks.)
Leisure travelers. Nowhere to go and all day to get there. Ever notice how these people are the most impatient travelers? Really. Any road warrior is not going to be surprised or suffer a meltdown if their flight is going to be delayed. Is it annoying? Hell yes. But it isn't exactly cause for hysterics. The leisure traveler takes it as a personal affront and thinks the "squeaky wheel" act that gets them a discount on their meal at Max and Erma's is going to get them some preferential treatment from the airline. These people are dreaming. They also don't understand the concept of stowing all of their luggage when they sit in bulkhead. Apparently, they think no one is going to notice the giant shopping bags behind their legs. Or that holding everything on your lap is ok.
Happiness is an empty middle seat. I don't know if I can adequately express what kind of bliss this is. I become a much nicer person when I have an extra seat between me and the germ-carrier otherwise invading my personal space. The best is when they don't talk to you. Aren't I just a ray of sunshine? Did I mention I want to kill the couple next to me?
A lot of this venom aimed at my fellow traveler is probably coming from being only 7 weeks into a 14-week project. Or, it could be the couple sitting next to me. The lady sitting next to me is now on her third trip to the bathroom. We've been in the air an hour. I gave up trying to sleep when she repeated for the 5th time (yes I was counting) how much she LOVES, LOVES, LOVES take off. It's her favorite part. She was mildly amusing when she was trying to put her seatbelt on backwards, but I am still done with her and her schmoopy sitting next to her. They are clearly a very positive and life-affirming couple going to Vegas for a fun filled weekend. I want them to SHUT UP!!!!! (Hey, even Road Warriors get weary.) Those of you that will still speak to me, stay turned for thoughts on making small talk (and how to avoid it) and living in a popular tourist destination: profiles of people arriving and departing Las Vegas.
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2 comments:
Awww, c'mon! I'd travel with you any day! We'll bring the baby and he can have the middle seat (which, of course, we won't let him use so you can have all of the personal space you crave!). Now just breathe (thru your bird flu mask) and remember your blood pressure.
'No, you're Schmoopy...' 'No, you're Schmoopy...' Classic reference, I love it. Well the happy couple beats the shrieking lady I had once next to me...it was her first flight and I am not exaggerating to say she was screaming "Jesus help me" the entire flight in a LOUD VOICE. That wasn't too annoying.
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