Reframing

For the past 2 weeks I've been trying to be open to new ways of looking at things. I hit what felt like a critically low point. I was online looking for something that would provide me with some insight, some sort of solace and then it appeared: a reference to a book. Now, I've done plenty of self-help reading over the years. It can be interesting, but I find that there is also a lot of crap that you have to wade through in order to get to the helpful little nuggets of wisdom in these things. Still, I tried to keep an open mind and thought to myself “Okay, let’s try this one more time.”  I’m glad I did.

I read the first 2 chapters and I immediately felt better. Why was that? Was I so desperate to find an answer, a plan that I latched onto to this as a miraculous truth? Did I just like the style in which it was written? Or did I really feel like this concept had some merit? I decided to keep reading. Normally, I tear through new books at fast pace, but I took my time with this one. There was a lot of information to absorb and I didn't feel like I could really do it justice unless I slowed down. It took me about a week to get through it and it’s one of those books that I will most likely read a few more times just to make sure I understand all of it.

I think one of the things in the book that caught my eye was a single word: reframing. Earlier that same low point day, I was watching a YouTube video and one of the images used caught my imagination. So much so that I found the image online and changed my cover photo on Facebook. Imagine my surprise when the same word appeared in the book as part of the overall philosophy. It felt like validation that I made the right choice.

Reframing was exactly what I had in mind. I wanted to think once more about paths and choices and consequences. The problem was perspective. I needed a fresh one. I knew that I couldn't possibly provide my own objectivity when it came to my decisions and I wasn't in a place where I wanted to speak about it to anyone else. I was so absorbed in pain and regret and anger that I could barely breathe let alone think outside my carefully constructed box of justifications. The book provided that fresh perspective.

The process is simple, but deceptive. Of course there is some very painful and difficult work associated with going through it. I don’t mind that part really. If it is going to lead me to new, healthier habits and a better awareness of myself as well as others around me, I’ll do it. It reminds me of what I think of as a recovery process from an addiction. Once I have gone through the process I can’t just announce that I’m cured! Doesn't work like that. I will have knee-jerk reactions and emotional triggers that take me back to the familiar decision processes. Incorporating the new perspective and processes will take time and repetition and an incredible amount of patience with me.

The book is called Radical Forgiveness.