Time Passages

Coming home is always a good opportunity to measure the true passage of time. Aside from the literal days-of-the-week passage of time, I find that there are other, more significant markers. The real indicators for me are based on how my family looks, and how much gossip I am out of the loop on in the office.

I have come to terms with the idea that people get on with their lives and that the small day to day details will start to accumulate into whole experiences that I miss out on. I also have come to terms with the fact that my family continues to grow and age and all without my supervision. Still, it can be a bit startling to be presented with all the changes all at the same time; no matter how prepared you think you feel.

I suppose the other marker for me (and for all of us at some point or another) is getting older. I am about to hit the anniversary of my birth. Isn’t that a fun way to put it? For most things in life, having anniversaries that involve a significant length of time are considered good things, right? Think about it. There are wedding anniversaries, employment anniversaries, and so on. Why do birthdays feel different?

This time last year I was miserable in Philly and realizing that I wasn’t going to be receiving a birthday card from my grandma. In the last 12 months I have lost another family member, switched jobs, made it to both Mexico and Canada, and started dating someone. As far as years go, it’s mostly been a good one.

This weekend I am headed to a wedding. I figured I would want to write something specific and fun about the event itself rather than lump it into this slightly melancholy version of “Things I pondered in the office while pretending to work.”

I had a hard time coming up with a name for this entry. I hate it when the names don’t just pop into my head. It makes me feel like I don’t have a clear direction about the topic if I can’t name it first. I suppose I have rambled a bit here as well, but I think of it as cleansing the palette before the main course. Since the primary reason for my trip was to attend the wedding, I want to make sure my head is in the right place before I get there.

I suppose the bigger problem is that this isn’t really the burning topic I want to be writing about. I think I was hoping to distract myself with something benign rather than go into the rant I want to go into. I still can’t go into it yet, which only irritates me more. I am trying for patience and for reason rather than reaction and it’s giving me a headache. Or maybe it’s just nicotine withdrawal. (I also picked this week to try and quit smoking again.) Perhaps not the best time, but I figure anytime is the best time to quit smoking, right?