Superstitions

Are you superstitious about anything? Maybe it’s black cats, or ladders or even broken mirrors. It may sound silly, but it only sounds that way if you don’t believe it. If it’s something you believe in, you’ll do what you have to do to take precautions. One of my favorites these days is married couples who have their names tattooed on each other. Funny how it seems to work out to be a complete disaster doesn’t it?

I bring this up because I seem to be noticing some strange things happening. It’s not the kind of thing you notice right away. It takes time to develop into any sort of noticeable pattern. Apparently I have two such occurrences in my life that I feel inclined to pay more attention to in the future. One is a date and one is a habit. Both of them seem to spell some sort of disaster for me.

On the date in question some significant things have happened. One year on this date, I had a really good first date. It was nice. Dinner at a Chinese restaurant, a long walk, and a lot of conversation. Four years later on the same date, there was a marriage proposal. I said yes, only to say no months later. Can’t fault the date on that one, I know. And, at that point, I wouldn’t have said I had any problem with the date other than just to serve as a reminder. Sometimes it sucks to have a good memory for these things.

Fast forward to about 3 years ago. Once again I found significance with that date. This time it was pretty far removed from my actual experience, yet it still made an impact. The lead singer of my favorite band was born on that date. I let the past be the past, and tried to think more favorably about each time that day approached. I thought it was working well.

This year I was invited to several birthday parties. One of them was for a friend of mine at the spa. Her birthday was also on said date. However, her birthday party was 2 days later. It was there that I met someone new. Is that a stretch? I thought about it at the time, and decided that since I didn’t meet him on the actual day, there was nothing to worry about. That was until today. Today marked the end of that relationship. So, am I placing too much emphasis on this date? Again, if you have never experienced anything like it, I can see how you might find this observation to be a whole lot of coincidence.

So, then there is the other odd set of coincidences. This one was a habit I found myself getting into and once I saw the pattern I stopped doing it. This one has to do with email folders. When I was doing a lot of online dating, I used to keep email folders with each person’s name on them. It sounds like there were a lot of names. I don’t mean to make it sound that way, but I just like to stay organized. Anyway, I found this really interesting pattern starting to happen. Almost as soon as I gave someone a folder with their name on it, I would stop hearing from them. In the online dating world, that really isn’t so strange. Still, I found it a little amusing, so I decided to try an experiment.

I have a friend in Michigan that I met online. We went through the normal song and dance of sending emails back and forth. I decided to give his folder a different name. I just called it “Michigan.” The difference? I still have the folder and the friend. No, it never materialized into something romantic, but don’t you think that’s strange? Anyway, I guess I decided that the new guy deserved a folder of his own, so I gave him one with his name on it. Like the others that came before, it appears to be time to get rid of the folder. Apparently I have tapped into the online version of tattooing someone’s name on me. Thank God the removal process is easier. I just wish it was painless.

Grow Old Along with Me

You probably recognize the title. It’s a song that gets played at so many weddings, that it now probably tops a lot of “do not play under penalty of death” lists for wedding receptions. And yet, when trying to come up with a title, that’s the one that came to me. So be it. I like it because it encompasses the wedding and my birthday.

So let’s talk about the wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony. Katie looked radiant as all brides do. She was pretty smart too since she was carrying tissue with her. Turns out there were a lot of tears going on during the ceremony. It was sweet, really. One of the funnier moments was when she took her tissue and blotted Chris’s head. We all saw her telling Chris how warm it was. Another interesting moment from the ceremony was when the microphone decided to act up. I thought flames were going to shoot out of Brian’s head (he was the Person of Honor for Katie). The minister didn’t miss a beat. He just turned off the mike and kept going. Katie (we all noticed) switched to “trainer” voice and we could all hear her perfectly from the back of the room.

It felt like a reunion of sorts. There were a number of people there from my previous employer that I hadn’t seen in a long time. It didn’t dawn on me until well after the event, that I never even noticed any of the other people that attended the wedding. I was so wrapped up in tables 16 and 17 (Woo! Table 17!!) that the rest of the crowd went largely unnoticed. Here is a picture of the crew. We are missing a couple of people who ended up leaving before the picture was taken. It was really nice to see everyone again. Some of the people in this picture I have known since 1994.

Ok, so back to the wedding. When the happy couple made their grand entrance, they went right into their first song. The DJ said it was by U2, but didn’t immediately give the name of the song. In the slight pause he took, our table started coming up with some really unlikely U2 choices. I took notes. Here are the Top 5 songs by U2 that Katie and Chris did NOT choose to dance to as their first song.

1. When Love Comes to Town


2. Angel of Harlem


3. I still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For


4. Where the Streets Have No Name


5. Sunday Bloody Sunday (I think this one was everyone’s favorite)
   

In fact, what they ended up dancing to was “All I Want is You.” After the dance came the toasts. Both fathers made toasts and then Brian took us briefly through the history of Katie and Chris (making a very PUN-ny Match.com reference) as well as an interesting story about a rickshaw ride through London in winter. I believe he also arranged the slide show of the happy couple as well. Several of the photos used in the slide show were taken by another friend and former coworker. You saw him in my blog from January about his house party in San Diego. In fact, he was nice enough to give me a birthday card at the ceremony that said I needed to come for another visit so I could clean his house again.

The reception was a blur of fun dance songs and lots of gin and tonic. At some point, someone requested Happy Birthday, so that was nice. After that, I ended up on the dance floor doing a very poor impression of Tina Turner doing “Proud Mary”. Luckily, there were other proud Mary’s willing to come dance with me.

After the reception ended, I followed the caravan to the hotel where a bunch of them were staying. The bride and groom (each looking a little more comfortable with Chris in a t-shirt and pants and Katie in flip flops with her dress) joined us for one more round before we were kicked out of the hotel bar too. I thanked them for throwing me the best birthday party ever and headed back to Dayton.

The pictures were provided by my friend Nanci, since I didn’t bother to bring a camera. I am hoping that eventually, the pictures will circulate and I will get to see some of the others.

Unclaimed Baggage

I started this blog more than a week ago, but I needed to wait a bit before posting it. That didn’t stop me from needing to start it early. I always find it best to start writing as soon as I have an idea or I will end up forgetting it or it will turn into something different. This story starts back several years ago. After a lot of introspection, I have come to realize a number of things about the final years in Cincinnati. The easiest thing to put together was that I was depressed. I honestly didn’t think of myself as being that way at the time. I think it just crept up on me and camped out for a few years.

Taking the job with so much travel was like a much needed breath of fresh air. Sure, being on the road was hard, but sometimes being at home was harder. I was restless a lot. I made some bad choices along the way out of boredom, mostly. One of the more depressing moments involved with travel was actually arriving at my home airport. In particular, it was seeing all the people that were there to meet other travelers. The family members with signs and balloons and eager looks on their faces made me sad. Of course, I always felt a little childish for being jealous of these people, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel it.

I think it was worse after the war started. Then it was seeing loved ones being dropped off and picked up. I saw it coming and going. I was the sole participant in my pity party. I told myself I was being juvenile. It seemed like such a small thing to get upset over. After all the years of traveling, you can become numb to almost anything you see at the airport. It’s a bit of a different experience now in my new home airport. Now there are groups of people traveling together. I don’t see so many of the business travelers at the airport. Oh, I know they are there, but it doesn’t seem so obvious now. Still, I can’t help but feel the same twinge when I am standing at baggage claim or schlepping out to wherever I have left my car this week.

I bring all this happy memory stuff up because something unexpected and wonderful has been offered to me. I told Steve about my upcoming trip and he made the offer to take me to the airport and to pick me up. He mentioned it over the phone, so he never really saw my reaction. To him, I’m sure he just thought he was making a nice gesture. He has no way of knowing the impact the offer made. I haven’t told him either. I suppose I would feel a bit silly to make a big deal over something he would probably offer to do for anyone. Still, it is a gesture made all the more meaningful because if was freely offered and I never had to ask. It never occurred to me to ask.

The day he is picking me up is my birthday, which probably prompted the offer in the first place. I’m not going to split hairs about it though. He also said he wanted to get me something for my birthday. He doesn’t realize he has already offered up something I always wanted. It is a special gift and if I’m the only one that knows about it, that’s fine with me. Besides, it will be interesting to see what he comes up with.

Time Passages

Coming home is always a good opportunity to measure the true passage of time. Aside from the literal days-of-the-week passage of time, I find that there are other, more significant markers. The real indicators for me are based on how my family looks, and how much gossip I am out of the loop on in the office.

I have come to terms with the idea that people get on with their lives and that the small day to day details will start to accumulate into whole experiences that I miss out on. I also have come to terms with the fact that my family continues to grow and age and all without my supervision. Still, it can be a bit startling to be presented with all the changes all at the same time; no matter how prepared you think you feel.

I suppose the other marker for me (and for all of us at some point or another) is getting older. I am about to hit the anniversary of my birth. Isn’t that a fun way to put it? For most things in life, having anniversaries that involve a significant length of time are considered good things, right? Think about it. There are wedding anniversaries, employment anniversaries, and so on. Why do birthdays feel different?

This time last year I was miserable in Philly and realizing that I wasn’t going to be receiving a birthday card from my grandma. In the last 12 months I have lost another family member, switched jobs, made it to both Mexico and Canada, and started dating someone. As far as years go, it’s mostly been a good one.

This weekend I am headed to a wedding. I figured I would want to write something specific and fun about the event itself rather than lump it into this slightly melancholy version of “Things I pondered in the office while pretending to work.”

I had a hard time coming up with a name for this entry. I hate it when the names don’t just pop into my head. It makes me feel like I don’t have a clear direction about the topic if I can’t name it first. I suppose I have rambled a bit here as well, but I think of it as cleansing the palette before the main course. Since the primary reason for my trip was to attend the wedding, I want to make sure my head is in the right place before I get there.

I suppose the bigger problem is that this isn’t really the burning topic I want to be writing about. I think I was hoping to distract myself with something benign rather than go into the rant I want to go into. I still can’t go into it yet, which only irritates me more. I am trying for patience and for reason rather than reaction and it’s giving me a headache. Or maybe it’s just nicotine withdrawal. (I also picked this week to try and quit smoking again.) Perhaps not the best time, but I figure anytime is the best time to quit smoking, right?

Word Count

In my job, every word counts. If it doesn’t convey the right message or elicit the expected response, it gets cut. The same process doesn’t always carry through outside of work. Normal conversations with people are filled with things you wish you had said differently or hadn’t said at all. Conversations about relationships are filled with those moments. Aside from the things that can come tumbling out with little or no thought, you can also be hyper-aware of the words that are never said. Funny how you can spend more time thinking about the words you never say instead of the ones that you do.

Right now I am stuck. Steve and I had a conversation last night about marriage. It seems a bit soon for that, right? The blogs give small details, but no real indication of what has been going on between us. That has been by choice, of course. Partly because in the beginning there wasn’t much to say since we didn’t see each other very often, and partly because it’s new and I would like to keep this piece to myself a bit longer. Even though we had a slow start, it didn’t mean we didn’t have anything to say. It turns out we have a lot in common in terms of values. I think that kind of similarity is more important than let’s say a common interest in music or sports. It’s good to have parts of our personalities that are different. It keeps things interesting. The last thing I need is someone who is a carbon copy of me.

So anyway, we had this conversation last night. It sort of grew from a number of things. We both have leases ending in about 6 months, we both want to buy something (he is thinking house, and I was thinking condo), and more importantly, we both think this relationship is progressing to the point that it makes sense to start having conversations about merging our households together (he has a kid and I have closets full of shoes). I joke as usual, but I think it’s a real possibility.

I keep getting tripped up by a few minor details. Mostly it’s been an issue of time. We have known each other for about 3 months now, and as slow as it started, it’s still really fast. I keep thinking that I shouldn’t know what I want to do this soon. I keep second guessing my feelings and discounting them as just being caught up in the newness of the whole thing. I have to remind myself that having a conversation about these important things is a good thing. It doesn't mean we are going to take action on them tomorrow, but how else are we going to know where the other person stands if we don't talk about anything? So far, things just keep falling into the right places.

Another detail that we haven’t quite addressed yet is the words. I have a hard time thinking about those 4 little words that will present me with yet another life-altering choice to make. The marriage conversation came from the fact that neither of us is looking to play house with the other. We share the same perspective that if things are good enough to live together, than we should get married. Wow. It was such an easy conversation you would have thought we were discussing which movie to go see this weekend (actually, we did that too). I think the topic of conversation is enough to cause some anxiety in anyone, but there is one more little item that is nagging me about this situation. Neither of us has said the all-important 3 little words to start this whole domino effect.

When he first brought up living together, I had a little meltdown. I told him it was Dad’s fault for brainwashing me since birth about cows and free milk. I didn’t even live with my fiancé the first time I contemplated this situation. I almost did, but I agreed to do it as my Hail Mary attempt to keep that boat from sinking. That fell apart before I ended up moving, so I still have never lived with anyone. I don’t judge anyone else for doing it; I just don’t feel like it’s the right choice for me.

Once Steve realized I was seriously freaking out, he was quick to reassure me that he was kidding me about doing it so soon. He knows as well as I do that things are progressing pretty quickly for us now and that we still need to spend more time together and make sure in our own minds that this is the path we want to take. So far, he has been the one to bring up these big relationship milestones. The only one I have really balked at is living together. I wonder how much of this is related to where we are in life. In my 20’s, I wanted to get married very much. I had a plan in my mind about the way my life would be and when things would happen. Since none of that came to fruition, it seemed reasonable to also think about the alternative: staying single forever. With age came the realization that while it would be nice to have someone in my life, I wasn’t going to waste away into an empty shell of a person if it didn’t happen. So many more choices have been made available to me because there was no one else to consider.

Still, I think you can reach an understanding in your mind that if you met the right person and the circumstances were right, that your perspective can change too. I guess I am saying that I’m looking down that road again. This experience is so very different from the first time, which is already a good sign. We don’t have the same twenty-something problem of “finding ourselves” in terms of a career or just knowing who we really are and what we want in life. At least now, we have each lived through some good and bad choices and have a better sense of self. Maybe that’s why the conversations come a bit easier and the choices seem a bit more obvious. With a stronger sense of who you are, you find ways of getting to the heart of the matter a little faster. There is also an understanding between us that if it’s going to work, that we have to consider ourselves partners in this.

Well, as fun as it is to play devil’s advocate with myself, I don’t know that I am really any closer to answers. Unfortunately, it appears as though what will finally give me the answers is my old nemesis: time.

The Star of the Desert

This weekend I went to another concert. This time it was Joan Jett. I have a couple of songs downloaded by her, but I don’t own any albums. Not sure why, but perhaps it was because I got tired of hearing I love Rock and Roll throughout the 80’s. I’m sure she has to get tired of singing it. Anyway, I hear there is a Greatest Hits CD out there and I will probably go look for it.

That being said, she was awesome. Once again, I love it when performers sound just as great live as they do on the radio. I like knowing that what I hear on the radio isn’t processed like Velveeta. She sang all the songs I knew and a couple of covers that I didn’t even know she did. She also looked fantastic. She is just a tiny thing but she had a lot of energy and she seemed to be having a lot of fun with the band. I wouldn’t know a Blackheart if I tripped over one, so I don’t know if these were the same guys or the latest line up. In any case, they all sounded great together.

The venue for this gig was out at the California state line in a little speck on the map called Primm. The atmosphere here is pretty rough looking. This is truly like a little oasis in the desert and there always seems to be a lively crowd. (Think biker bar with a liberal sprinkling of rednecks and Hispanics for flavor.) The RV section of the parking lot really tells the tale on the clientele. Personally, I think the big draw here is the prices at the bar. It is incredibly affordable for being so close to Vegas. No $14 cocktail here, no sir! Steve and I had a couple of drinks before the show and each round was under $6.

Another interesting difference with this place is the fact that you can buy food inside the venue. I was starving when we got there, and ended up eating a hotdog before the show started. It was a little weird, but a girl has to eat. I have seen a couple of shows out there and each time I have seen people loaded up with nachos and hotdogs like they were headed to a baseball game. Say it with me people: Classy!!

There was no opening band, so the show was over a little after 9. Steve and I decided to head to the Strip. I know that since he works there that it probably wasn’t very high on his list of places to go, but he was a good sport about it. We went to the Bellagio and watched the fountain. I love doing that and he said he had never done it. Apparently, there are a few hotels on the Strip that he has never set foot in. I guess it is another example of people that live here that don’t see the local sites. So we went inside and I was navigating us through the hotel like a pro.

We had a couple of drinks and listened to some chick singing 80’s songs. Steve pointed out the “working girls” strolling through the hotel. Honestly, there is no end to the entertainment around here.