Thanksgiving

Well here it is Thanksgiving again. It feels like a million years since I wrote on the blog, but I have some time to kill while waiting for Heidi to give me the green light to come over. So here I am with warm pumpkin bread and cold white wine ready to go. I’m bringing a movie over too. This year’s pick is The Money Pit. Heidi and I were talking about it last week for some reason (I think it had something to do with the turkey scene) and I went out and bought it for today.

This is also generally the weekend I set up the Christmas tree with this year’s theme. Unfortunately the market tanked and my visions of Russian Christmas have to be put on hold this year. Instead I have come up with a new theme. This year’s theme is Harmony. I picked it because I realize I have to go trolling through Christmas past and use the ornaments I already have. How traditional of me, right? So all my ornaments are going to have to live in harmony on the tree this year. The other reason I chose this theme is because I have decided to let Heidi’s daughter Harmony pick out the ornaments and decorate my tree. Lord only knows what she might come up with but I suppose that is part of the fun. I have visions of feather boas, silver bells, shoes and purses and maybe even a few origami ninja stars thrown in. It should be interesting.

The rest of this weekend will once again be spent working. Not exactly a fun time, but I find it a lot easier to get through work when the phone isn’t constantly ringing. I really just want this year to be over. And this project. And this job. But enough of that…..

This is also the first Christmas I won’t be heading back to Ohio. Instead I have managed to convince my Dad (buying the plane ticket helped) to come spend Christmas with me. My sisters are relieved to have one less house to visit that day, so it seems to be win-win for everyone. I wish I didn’t have to work while he was here, but hopefully this awful project won’t totally kill my Christmas spirit.

Operation Christmas Cookie is still going to go on in the next few weeks, but I doubt I’ll be able to do as much as last year. Still it’s fun so I will make the time to do it between conference calls to India every evening. The other thing I am keeping my fingers crossed about is the possibility of seeing Keane perform in LA. Tickets go on sale tomorrow morning and I am going to try my best to get one. The concert is on a Sunday which means driving back here early Monday morning. I have already told my project lead that I am going to “be sick “that morning if I get tickets. Somehow I doubt the world will end if I miss my normal 6 am Monday morning conference call, right? This is likely my Christmas present to myself so everyone else can just deal. Plus, with the vacation embargo being enforced on this prison sentence, I’m taking time when I can get it. If I have to manufacture a little stomach flu for a few hours, then so be it.

Nice holiday spirit I have these days, right? I keep reminding myself everything will work out eventually. I know it. So for today, I am thankful of the break in work, thankful that I am going to spend a fun day with my adopted Las Vegas family that doesn’t make me cook, and thankful that my favorite band is coming across the pond this year.

Leaky Sponge

I’ve done a lot of absorbing this week. I was called up for active friendship duty and if I wasn’t exactly happy to do it, I answered the calls as best I could and provided support as best I could. In truth, all that was required was that I listen. Input seemed largely optional, but I answered questions when asked and kept my ears open and mouth shut.

I feel like total crap today. It’s hard to figure out this state I’m in since the drama happened around me and not actually to me. Still, I can’t help but feel affected by all that touched me. After absorbing all of this sorrow and disappointment, I am now at a point where I have to do something with it. At the moment, it appears to be leaking out of my eyes. The contents of my stomach don’t seem very happy to be there either.

I tried for normalcy today. I went to breakfast. I went to the grocery. It feels a bit like sleep walking. Life is going on around me and I am disconnected and caught up in my own head space. It feels like depression. Given the past 7 days I shouldn’t be surprised, but I think the events themselves aren’t the cause. I wonder if what I am feeling is simply loneliness. If I personalized the events of the last week as if they were my own, who would I have been reaching out to? Certainly there are the usual suspects of friends and family. I spoke to both this week but I don’t think it is my long distance support system that is the source either.

Regardless, tomorrow is another day. I feel better by just forcing myself to articulate even this much. I’ve spent today trying to get some extra work done. Would you believe I actually had to make a deal with myself to have this little breakdown now rather than wallow all day? Scheduled breakdowns. Now that’s organization.