Don’t Fear The Reaper

I’m sure many of you recognize the title of the song by the Blue Oyster Cult. It makes me think of a lot of different things. Since they are all clamoring for space at the front of the line in my head, I needed to make some sort of orderly sense to it. So here we go.

First of all, I just like the song. Its kind of creepy since it’s talking about death, but I kind of like the fact that they are just so matter of fact about it all. Hard to recall now what my earliest associations are to this song. All I can think of now is Tara. My good friend Tara doesn’t care much for this song. That being said, I love to play it for her, sing it to her, quote it to her, and basically bring it up any chance I get. (Hi Tara!) I think I even asked her if this was one of the songs she was banning from her wedding reception play list. Surely not?! So like it or not, I will most likely always think of her first now when I hear the song.

Once upon a time I fell in love with a boy. This was well before I realized that all boys were weird in some way. This boy was weird because he seemed to be preoccupied with his death. He was afraid that going through the motions of life (work, wedding, kids, retirement) would do nothing but serve as a constant reminder and countdown to his impending death. So he chose to do nothing. I know we are all afraid of something and fear isn’t logical or rational, but I couldn’t stick around with someone who saw me as another stepping-stone to the grave. Pretty romantic, huh? No amount of death-related humor was going to save us either. I tried. So yeah, I think it’s easy to see why this song would remind me of him too.

Next up is a little more current. I seem to be up on that high horse of mine again. I have taken to bullying my family about their wills. I’m sure this traces back to last Christmas when my grandma died. I think up until that point my Dad and my uncles were confident in knowing there was a will and that it was in her house somewhere. Until it came time to find it and no one could. In the midst of the grief of losing a parent, came the onerous task of going through a house of contents and trying to divide things up without a plan. It was polite and ugly at the same time. It made quite an impression, I can tell you that.

So, now I am all over everyone about having his or her will done. And, in a pot-kettle-scenario, no I don’t have mine done yet either. But, I’m working on it this week. I think like most of my family members; I don’t feel like I have a bunch of precious heirlooms that I need to worry about. Being sentimental (no really), there are things I would like to see go to family and friends that no one else might realize. Other than that? Yeah sure, bag it up and give it to Goodwill for all I care. (Be sure to get a receipt for your taxes!) I’m just saying to have a plan. The people that you leave behind are going to be too upset to be thinking clearly.

Along the same lines of making your wishes known about your “considerable assets”, you also need to be clear about what you want done with your remains. If the idea of sitting in an urn on someone’s fireplace creeps you out, better make sure someone knows that and write it down! How about life saving measures if you are in an accident? Breathing tubes? What if you’re in a coma? Brain dead? These are horrible things to think about and it’s natural for all of us to never ever want to have to contemplate what we would do or have our loved ones do in those situations. As hard as it is, think about how bad the alternative could be. You could end up in a situation where the decision is simply taken from you because you were unable to make it for yourself. Or you were asked to make a decision on the spot for a loved one while having no idea what their wishes might be.

Talking about death sucks. It’s like touching a raw nerve. It freaks people out. No amount of cliché’s of it being a “natural part of life”, or it “happening to everyone” makes me feel any better. Does it make you feel better? How about when a loved one dies and you hear someone comfort you by saying they have “gone to a better place”? I think it’s what we all want to believe, but I still think a good number of us have a pretty healthy fear of the Unknown. So in terms of going to this “better place”, I’m hoping for a late check in, which leads me to my final topic: your health.

It’s simple really. Find out what your family history is in terms of health issues. Let your doctor know and then make sure you have regular check ups. Granted, you may not get everything and there are things you may get that your family doesn’t have, but knowing your risk factors is important. Those of you with kids are really high on my list of people to bug about this. And when I say bug, I only mean if you aren’t already getting regular check ups. Avoiding doctors because you don’t want to hear bad news makes no sense. Avoiding doctors because you feel fine is out too. Stop it. Get your regular check ups. And if you are taking medications on a regular basis, make sure you have them written down somewhere with the dosage information.

Well then. I think we’ve covered a lot of ground here today. I know I got a little “passionate” there at the end, but who can blame me? I tend to run full steam ahead into things that scare me. I’m not any more immune to being afraid of the big dirt nap than the rest of us. I just don’t like being afraid of it and I really don’t like avoiding necessary conversations about it. Maybe you won’t say anything to me about it; maybe you will. If you are at least thinking about it now, it’s something.

And finally, my most recent association to the Don’t Fear the Reaper song? More Cowbell!!