Missing my Exit on the Road to Nowhere

What’s your vector, Victor?
Do you give good driving directions? Do you have a preference in terms of the type of directions you are given? For instance, my Dad prefers to give directions in terms of miles and compass points. Personally, I think it is his firm belief in the failure of the education system as a whole that causes him to punish me with these directions. ”Head west on Smith Road for about 6 miles then turn south on Johnson Ave. Drive 12 miles until you get to the Shopping Center. The building you are looking for will be on the Northwest corner of the intersection.” I keep waiting to get longitude and latitude coordinates.

You Can’t Get There From Here
Then there are those who apparently don’t know the name of a single street or landmark in the town they have lived in since birth. The directions are so vague you don’t have a prayer. You simply nod and move on and ask someone else. I had someone today "help me" by offering these helpful directions. “When you leave here, you are going to come to a light and then go left for a little bit and turn left at the light. You’ll see a Dunkin Donuts and then you’ll be near the Mall. Oh, and there’s some construction along the way.” Yeah, right. I just looked at her not saying anything for a minute and then just nodded and said, “Ok, thanks.” The translation of those directions was amazing. "Little bit" apparently means about 10 miles through road construction, lane closures, walking a plank, swinging from a vine, and a high ropes course. And THEN I saw the Dunkin Donuts.

Where’s the Sun?
As a personal preference, I like directions that use landmarks and street names. I like to know whether I am coming to a stop sign or a traffic light and how many of each I can expect. The GPS systems in the rental cars or things like Mapquest are generally fine, but they don’t always give the best routes, and they certainly have no idea about construction or detours.

Getting lost can be a bonding experience. It can also cause a lot of friction. It depends on what you’re doing and who your wingman is, I guess. Some really funny adventures happened to me when I was lost. And for some reason, 3 incidents in particular involved Marienne as a witness. The first time was the first project we were on together. Somehow I got roped into driving to the hotel. I was using the GPS system and still managing to make wrong turns. I swear the voice got snippy with me. At one point she told me to just make a legal U-turn anywhere. She stopped calculating my route. Bitch.

The other 2 incidents I am thinking of spawned sayings that we still use today. The first incident had a conversation that went a little something like this:
“Was that our exit?”
“No, I think ours is coming up.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, we have to take the North exit.”
“But, isn’t that downtown over here?”
“Yeah, well sometimes you have to go North to go South.”
“Uh huh.”

The other saying is me asking, “where’s the sun?” I can’t remember the context of our conversation, but it was once again while we were in the car and I was behind the wheel. It makes me sound like a total idiot, I know. Honestly, I really don’t get lost that often (as long as it isn't cloudy). And I’m convinced that if nothing else, I give fantastic directions.