Does your shape define the shape of your life?

“If I didn’t have boobs, I would run everywhere.” This comment was said to me very matter-of-factly over dinner one night this weekend. I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever heard (it was even funnier because it was said in complete seriousness). For those of you out there in the same boat (and by boat I mean bra that you could use as a sail), think about this. How does the shape of your body affect your lifestyle? I’m not talking about normal weight gain issues. God knows I don’t want to dedicate any time to that boring topic. I am really thinking more about some of the things I could get away with if I was shaped a little differently. ThreeL (my college roommate) and I talked about this for a while that night. It was fun. Here are some thoughts (fueled by wine and chocolate).

Wanna Race?
Following along the lines of her first thought about running everywhere, I wondered if having a different shape would improve my life productivity? If I were able to run everywhere (and right now that sounds damn painful), would I get more things done? Would I save time getting ready in the mornings because I wouldn’t have to spend time picking out a bra to wear? What could I do with the extra time? Get more sleep? Read more? Research mutual funds for my retirement plan? Build orphanages in third world countries? Or would I just buy more shoes?

Conquering your fear of Hopscotch
I don’t like to exercise. I would be lying if I said my shape had anything to do with it. I think I could be shaped like a stick and I would still hate to exercise. However, I wonder if I would be more likely to try some different exercises if I wasn’t carrying these things around. Would I buy a trampoline? Could I have been an ice skater? A gymnast? Maybe I would just be silly and jump on the bed? Would I be a better bowler? Have the perfect golf swing? Take up archery? A whole world of track and field events could have opened up for me.

Separating my Chin from my Waist- Failing the Pencil Test
God save me from the shelf bra!!!! They are awful. BUT, if I was shaped differently, think about all the fashions that I could really take advantage of: halter tops, tank tops (with shelf bras), tube tops, miracle bras, chunky sweaters, turtlenecks, peasant blouses, sundresses with spaghetti straps, strapless ANYTHING and on and on. Basically, all the things I have tried to successfully own and wear at some point in my life only to look frumpy, lumpy, and round. Like an apple on a stick. With no neck. And more importantly, there would be no “skin touching skin” phenomenon. Maddening!

My baby sister is currently working with the elderly. She recently told me that she has seen my future, and it isn’t pretty. Have I considered reduction surgery? Have I considered it? Sure. Would I do it? Nah. For as interesting as it is to think about such radical changes, I would never do it. For better or worse, they are part of my identity. If I have to walk around with a wheel-barrel instead of a walker one day, so be it.