Appreciating Today

Like most people, I get cranky when I’m really busy and stressed. I also tend to get a little irritable when I am bored or idle for too long. There seems to be a certain lack of appreciation for living in the moment. I don’t think I’m very good at it. I find that I am either dissecting the past or planning the future. Here and Now is just a bad Luther Vandross song; it isn’t a state of mind.

Today I am dealing with the idle mind. Add to that too much coffee and a trial license of some photo software and you may start to get a picture (ha! I wasn’t even trying on that one) of my day today. I downloaded the trial software for work, actually. Since I had some time on my hands, I decided to have some fun with it.

I have been holding on to some pictures of Cary Grant. I love him. I own a number of his movies, several books, and even a sheet of stamps when they came out a few years ago. He has long been on the back burner of my list of things to do in terms of getting things framed. I have a great headshot of his that my Mom gave me several years ago. Well, I decided to go out to the Internet and see if maybe I could find some other pictures to add to my collage project. I found several to say the least. The new software let me play around with all kinds of effects and layouts too. I’ll just share one of the pictures here.

So after I was done playing around with that nonsense, I moved on to Keane. That didn’t last long since I’m still irritated with them. So then I moved on to friends and family. It’s almost October and I have yet to have my brilliant inspiration for Christmas. Last year’s stamps is this year’s???? What? I got nothin. But, I have been playing around with old pictures and my scanner and this new software, so who knows what I may come up with this year. Probably nothing since I am essentially telling you about it now and I have way too much fun keeping Christmas gifts a surprise. So I would say that some of you should expect to receive fun emails with attachments from me in a relatively short period of time, right Mimi?

So that brings me only to about 2pm. It feels like a full day already, but that could also be due to the fact that the client I am working with next week called me at 6:30, 7:30, 7:40, and 7:55 this morning. The joys of the east and west coast time delays are never ending. I can hardly wait for the next 3 weeks. That’s the time when I am going to wish for time like this. It all circles back to that lack of appreciation thing.

I can hardly wait for today to be over so I can start appreciating it.

All that’s Jazz?

I saw another concert this weekend. Last night I saw Jamie Cullum. He was playing at the Hilton where Barry Manilow plays. As a matter of fact, I saw Jamie in the Barry Manilow gift shop before the show. Man, is he short! This must have been my weekend to see the short people perform. Various sources report him as being 5’4”, but I find that a little surprising. Whatever, the little munchkin and play and sing.

I will officially go on record as saying that I don’t particularly care for Jazz music. I think I can count on one hand the number of jazz cd’s I own. I just have a problem with music that deals with a lot of improvisation. It bugs me. I went out on the Internet to do some research on Jazz just so I could explain better why I don’t like it. There are so many different types of Jazz; it’s impossible to make a sweeping statement to say I don’t like it. So fine then. I don’t like some of it.

Jamie combines jazz with a number of other influences such as pop, big band, and he even had a segment with drums he picked up from a recent trip to Brazil. It was like Carnival in there at one point. His show has a lot of energy and he played for at least 2 hours. It was a strange crowd too. A mix of college kids and grandparents. I noticed about halfway through the show that the grandparents didn’t stick around. I’m sure it’s hard to cater to everyone. So here then are some of the highlights.

First of all, the guy doesn’t exactly look like a jazz musician. Think about Billy Joe Armstrong minus the eyeliner sitting at a piano. Jamie is only about 26 years old, so instead of coming across as another Harry Connick Jr, he looks more like another Harry Potter. Seriously, all he is missing is the lightening bolt on his forehead. He came out in a blazer and pencil thin tie, white shirt, torn jeans and tennis shoes. After about 2 songs, the jacket was gone, 4 songs and the tie was gone, another few songs and the shirt was history too. Turns out he was wearing a Barry Manilow t-shirt under the dress shirt. He also likes to bang on the piano and climb on it and jump on it and pretty much everything but set it on fire. This is jazz?

Then there was the music. Jamie has 2 albums. He played a number of songs from both. The youth and wildness of his appearance is in direct opposition to his talent and very precise interpretation of his music. There is such maturity there when you watch him play and when you hear him sing. Some of the random bits of songs he threw in were kind of fun too. He did an interesting interpretation of Kelly Clarkson’s Since You’ve Been Gone. I guess even he can’t escape the album either. He also did a funny bit of Don’t Cha by the Pussycat Dolls. Strange, but true.

He switched to the guitar at one point. Katie- I know you can appreciate this. As soon as the guitar came out, so did the song requests. I swear I would not have been surprised to hear someone yell “Freebird.” No one did, but someone did yell “Sweet Caroline.” He did fumble around and play a bit of the first song he learned on guitar. A little ditty called “You’ve Got a Friend.” So, we had ourselves a little sing-along to that one.

Toward the end of the show, when the rest of the band was off stage and it was just him on the piano, he started to play a song that I knew the words to and couldn’t identify right away. I knew it wasn’t his song, but I couldn’t think what it was. Then I identified it as a song called “Love Will Tear Us Apart.” Now I know that some of you out there will know this song as performed by the Joy Division. Yeah well, I don’t know that version. I know it as a remake by another British gentleman by the name of Paul Young. Paul Young just happened to be the first concert I ever saw. So, I’m sitting there in the theater with my jaw hanging open because (to me) he is playing a Paul Young song and that’s when I knew this kid was OK. Actually, I knew before then, but that really sealed the deal.

The show was really good and I would recommend catching it if you get the chance. Even if you don’t consider yourself to be much of a Jazz fan, don’t worry. This isn’t too much like Jazz. If you want to download some songs to see if you like him, I highly recommend these 5:

• London Skies
• Frontin
• All At Sea
• Get Your Way
• What a Difference a Day Makes

Cyndi

I saw a concert Friday night. It was good. It was Cyndi Lauper. Apparently, she has a new album out called The Body Acoustic. The material on it is essentially old material that she has decided to strip down and reinterpret as “porch music” according to her web site. It’s been 2 days and I am still trying to figure out the best way to describe it. Best to just dive in, I suppose.

The concert itself was pretty good. It was outdoors at one of the smaller casinos. For the official first day of fall, we had some nice weather, probably no more than about 70 degrees that evening. Unfortunately, there was a breeze. It was relentless. It wasn’t too bad in the beginning, but as the night wore on you could see it was starting to have an effect on everyone, including Cyndi. There were some equipment problems, she started to get cold and eventually put a jacket on, and she had a slight cough that started to become more prevalent as the night wore on, although it didn’t not appear to affect her ability to belt out a song. Although everyone seemed to have a good time, I have to believe that Cyndi was less than thrilled with the whole experience even remarking at one point “can you believe we are practically in the parking lot?”

As for the music itself, she hasn’t lost her touch. Even with the new arrangements to her songs, she doesn’t shy away from the high notes and still displays a lot of energy for hitting the ripe old age of 53 this year. She also plays an interesting number of instruments. The first song, “Come on Home” from the Twelve Deadly Cyns album had her playing the flute. She also ended up playing the dulcimer, acoustic guitar and piano. I think it was the dulcimer that gave the show the “porch music” description she mentioned. Apparently, when Cyndi goes acoustic, it means going somewhere that is a cross between bluegrass/folk and reggae. It’s a strange mix.

I bought the CD today and many of the songs are duets. She does Time after Time with Sarah McLachlan and Sisters of Avalon with Ani DeFranco and Vivian Green. Listening to this CD, I thought perhaps she could have also named it “Echoes of Lilithfair.” It was almost like what I would imagine the Indigo Girls might have done if they decided to put out a Cyndi Lauper tribute album. (With a New York accent, of course) It’s not bad, it’s just different. After spending a lot of time reading up on Ms. Lauper, “different” seems to be an appropriate description.

As I spent time thinking about her and her career, I wondered if there was anyone comparable out there to her today. The easiest comparison for me to make was actually based on physical appearance and the ability to belt out a song. That person was Christina Aguilera. So just for fun, I did some checking into the backgrounds of each of the little dynamos and found some interesting coincidences. Not really enough to warrant an episode of the X-Files, but it made for some interesting reading.

First, let’s start with some basic bio information on both. Cyndi was born on June 22, 1953 in New York and is 5’3”. Christina was born December 18, 1980 also in New York and stands 5’2”. Both ladies won the Best New Artist Grammy. Cyndi won hers in 1984 for She’s So Unusual, and Christina won hers in 2000 her self-titled album. After winning a Grammy, both artists decided to stretch a bit with their images, each with different results.

Cyndi started hanging out with the WWF and helped produce an album under the name Mona Flambé. She also wrote a song for the Goonies movie soundtrack as well as the theme song for Pee Wee’s Playhouse. After all that nonsense, she decided she wanted to be taken more seriously and became more involved in both songwriting and production. True Colors was the follow up album to She’s So Unusual. Although it produced a couple of hits, none of her subsequent albums matched the success of her first. Many have been received well critically, including her album of standards, but all have failed to reach the same type of commercial success.

After Christina won her Grammy, she also wanted to get away from her pop princess image, which was understandable since she was trying to differentiate herself from former BFF and MMC cast mate Britney Spears. Taking advantage of the fact that she was half Ecuadorian and that the world was exploding with Latin music, she put out a Spanish album (which she learned phonetically, since she can’t speak Spanish). She also decided she wanted to be taken a bit more seriously (I think), but chose to go about it by shedding the good girl image along with her clothes, thus becoming Xtina. Her follow up album, Stripped made quite a statement. She also became involved with a movie when she teamed up with Pink, Mya and Lil Kim to remake Lady Marmalade for the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. The effort would result in another Grammy in 2002. Most recently, Christina has reinvented herself yet again, this time in the image of a glamour girl from the 40’s with her latest album, Back to Basics.

Some other things these two have in common:

• Cyndi has one son who was born on November 19. Christina was married on November 19.
• Both singers are said to have a 4-octave range.
• Patti Labelle is the godmother to Cyndi’s son. Patti Labelle is also the original singer for Lady Marmalade, the song for which Christina won her 2002 Grammy.
• Both women appear on VH-1’s 50 Greatest Women of the Video Era.

Obviously these two have made some very different choices in their careers in terms of style and direction. Age has a lot to do with it I think. Cyndi won her new artist Grammy at the age of 30 while Christina was only 19. The music industry was different, MTV was still relatively new, and there was no Internet or iTunes. It will be interesting to see what happens to both of them as time goes on. I don’t own anything by Christina yet. I appreciate her voice, although perhaps I am waiting for her to decide who she wants to be. Maybe she won’t decide for a while and that’s fine. That’s why they make greatest hits CD’s. Here are some pictures I found of them.

Celebrity Magnet

Notlob is my celebrity magnet. I am convinced of it. It seems like when she comes to town for a visit, we have some strange celebrity sightings. By now, you have all enjoyed the story of how she rescued me from myself in Sephora before I could approach a woman I was convinced was a friend of mine. She actually stood in front of me and physically blocked me from walking over to her. It was enough to snap me out of my trance-like condition to wonder if perhaps I was making a mistake? Sadly, not only was this woman no friend of mine, it was a rather sad commentary on my social life. But I digress…

On her latest visit, we decided to take in a magic show. I’m not real big on these types of things, but what the heck? Plus, we decided to see Penn and Teller, so if nothing else, it was sure to have some nice sarcasm thrown in which is always appreciated. Turns out, the show was pretty darn good. These are no bullshit kind of guys and they revealed the secrets behind a couple of tricks. Cool. And, in an unexpected twist, they were available outside the theater after the show for pictures and autographs. Here’s where it got a bit more interesting. We had a camera with us. No, it wasn’t a digital camera. Unfortunately, we had used up the last of the film before the show started taking goofy pictures such as this.

Had we known we were going to have some picture opportunities after the show, we would have planned accordingly. Then inspiration struck. We had seen their Saturday show. They also had shows on Sunday. Since we assumed they followed the same routine, we decided to come back the following night to get our pictures and autographs. Ok, so it wasn’t exactly a scenario out of Mission Impossible, but we were pretty pleased with ourselves for thinking of it. The next night we came back to the theater and waited in the hallway around the time the show was supposed to be ending. Sure enough a few minutes later, Penn appeared. And totally spotted us. Looked right at us. THIS is why I don’t play poker. I’m sure I had a guilty look written on my face. Ah well. We decided to hold back a bit and hopefully just blend in with the crowd. So we went to Teller first. What a total sweetheart. Here is my picture with him. Cutie-patootie.

Then it was time to face the music and go back to Penn. No way I was getting my picture taken with him. That was Notlob’s thing. He was super. Called her “Boss.” Both guys were super nice and very gracious to the crowd.

Now that piece wasn’t really so much a celebrity magnet story, but just another opportunity for me to post more pictures of myself. Shameless, I know. Besides, we sort of stalked them. But I do have another relevant story. Notlob and I were at the UPS store getting ready to ship some of her things home. While we were in the store, there was an older man there as well. I really didn’t pay that much attention to him, to be honest. He reminded me of JJ Walker from Good Times, but that was about it. I didn’t think anything about it. So, we get her box sent and head out. As soon as we get out of the store, she asks me if I recognized JJ Walker in there. Huh! How funny was that? I told her that’s who he reminded me of, but I didn’t really think it was him. She thought it was. I keep forgetting to ask my UPS guy if he knew. It probably was. I can’t wait for her to come back for another visit. Vince Neil is around here somewhere, I know it!

I Know Kung Fu

Sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in the day. I have so many things I want to learn about and do and I never seem to have the time. Ok, maybe I don’t make the time. I have CDs, DVDs, and books about all kinds of topics I wanted to know more about at some point. Some of them I have looked at and some of them I haven’t.

I think by now you know that when I get a new idea (or obsession) about something I am likely to eat, sleep and breathe it for a few weeks until it passes into the graveyard of good intentions along with all my other “projects.” Anyone that has seen my bookshelves can attest to the variety of subjects and the near pristine condition of the spines. This is not to say I lack follow through. I think this whole blogging idea has worked out rather well. Plus, I am once again looking at buying a condo and I already have all the books I need to remind myself of all the mistakes I made the first time and how to avoid them. No, I think part of my problem is the challenge involved and my learning style.

From a work perspective, I really enjoy the projects where I get to be creative. Building training simulations is fun, except when it isn’t, and then sometimes it’s even better. There have been many projects that have been truly challenging and yet, aren’t those the ones you look back on with the biggest sense of accomplishment? For me, I enjoy the feeling of total immersion in something like that. In that instance, I can stay focused for hours, days, and weeks. The downside to something like that is the rest of my life. I really get out of balance on those types of projects in terms of silly things like food and sleep. Probably a good thing those types of projects tend to be short term. From a learning perspective, I already know what I’m doing but I have the chance to be creative because of some customer request or system restriction that keeps it from being a simple project. On this end of the spectrum then, I have no problem in that pesky follow-though area (accountability may have something to do with it too).

On the other end of the spectrum then would be my “personal enrichment” activities. This is where you would find the things like the balloon animals and the learning Spanish, and the Dreamweaver tutorials and all that kind of stuff. All kinds of things I am interested in learning, but never seem to make the time for. Maybe it’s more a question of application. I mean, I could sit and learn Dreamweaver, but if I never have a chance to apply it to anything, why bother? It’s also a question of time commitment. I could learn how to make balloon animals a lot faster than I could learn to play the guitar. (Although if it’s anything like teaching myself to juggle, I may be more inclined to bet on the guitar.) So my learning style here would have to be short, sweet, and immediately applicable. Hmm. Given those requirements, it’s a bit easier to see why my bookshelves are a bit on the dusty side.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to learn things like they did in the first Matrix movie? I was thinking about that today. I was thinking about all the stuff I am going to have to research again before starting my property search for a condo. I wanted to be able to have all the information I needed downloaded into my head in a matter of minutes. I just remember the scene with Neo and Morpheus and the first day of “training” and Neo says, “I know Kung Fu.” Suddenly the guy is a black belt, or whatever it is you earn in Kung Fu. Yeah well, I don’t necessarily want a spike driven into the back of my head, but it sure would be nice to be able to absorb that kind of information that quickly, don’t you think?

Construction Junction

There is some weird construction going on around here. At the end of my street (and by end I mean where the mountain starts) I now have a 24-hour bar and restaurant. Across the street is another one. In the lot next to mine, construction has been going on for several weeks on some new complex. I had high hopes for a DSW/Starbucks/Sephora/Target combo, but I think it’s starting to look more like a storage place. Who knows? It wouldn’t surprise me if they found a way to sneak a bar and some slot machines in there too. All of this is less than a block away from an elementary school. Did I mention that? I don’t know who is in charge of zoning around here, but I don’t think I care much for it.

Aside from the odd zoning going on, the construction schedules are a little strange. For weeks now, I haven’t needed an alarm clock to wake me up. The bulldozers have done a nice job of that starting around 6am. It’s almost to the point now where I can’t sleep in on the weekends because it’s too quiet. Last night kicked things up a notch. I wasn’t very tired, so I was up late reading and I noticed this really bright light coming from the window behind me. I thought maybe it was a police car. I ignored it at first, but when I was still seeing this flickering light after another 20 minutes I looked outside to see what it was. Welders. There were welders across the street in a giant ditch.

I looked over at the clock and it was around 1 am this morning. There were people welding at 1 am this morning across the street. Aside from it being so late, my other thought was that it was so windy outside. We have had constant wind blowing for the last 2 days. And by wind, I mean 25-35 mph gusts all day and night. For as dry as this place is, does it seem smart to have blowtorches going with it being this windy? I thought about this as I brushed my teeth and finally went to bed. The torchlight made interesting shadows on the walls, but it didn’t keep me awake for long. Besides, I only had a few hours until the bulldozers greeted me with my wake up call.

Don’t Fear The Reaper

I’m sure many of you recognize the title of the song by the Blue Oyster Cult. It makes me think of a lot of different things. Since they are all clamoring for space at the front of the line in my head, I needed to make some sort of orderly sense to it. So here we go.

First of all, I just like the song. Its kind of creepy since it’s talking about death, but I kind of like the fact that they are just so matter of fact about it all. Hard to recall now what my earliest associations are to this song. All I can think of now is Tara. My good friend Tara doesn’t care much for this song. That being said, I love to play it for her, sing it to her, quote it to her, and basically bring it up any chance I get. (Hi Tara!) I think I even asked her if this was one of the songs she was banning from her wedding reception play list. Surely not?! So like it or not, I will most likely always think of her first now when I hear the song.

Once upon a time I fell in love with a boy. This was well before I realized that all boys were weird in some way. This boy was weird because he seemed to be preoccupied with his death. He was afraid that going through the motions of life (work, wedding, kids, retirement) would do nothing but serve as a constant reminder and countdown to his impending death. So he chose to do nothing. I know we are all afraid of something and fear isn’t logical or rational, but I couldn’t stick around with someone who saw me as another stepping-stone to the grave. Pretty romantic, huh? No amount of death-related humor was going to save us either. I tried. So yeah, I think it’s easy to see why this song would remind me of him too.

Next up is a little more current. I seem to be up on that high horse of mine again. I have taken to bullying my family about their wills. I’m sure this traces back to last Christmas when my grandma died. I think up until that point my Dad and my uncles were confident in knowing there was a will and that it was in her house somewhere. Until it came time to find it and no one could. In the midst of the grief of losing a parent, came the onerous task of going through a house of contents and trying to divide things up without a plan. It was polite and ugly at the same time. It made quite an impression, I can tell you that.

So, now I am all over everyone about having his or her will done. And, in a pot-kettle-scenario, no I don’t have mine done yet either. But, I’m working on it this week. I think like most of my family members; I don’t feel like I have a bunch of precious heirlooms that I need to worry about. Being sentimental (no really), there are things I would like to see go to family and friends that no one else might realize. Other than that? Yeah sure, bag it up and give it to Goodwill for all I care. (Be sure to get a receipt for your taxes!) I’m just saying to have a plan. The people that you leave behind are going to be too upset to be thinking clearly.

Along the same lines of making your wishes known about your “considerable assets”, you also need to be clear about what you want done with your remains. If the idea of sitting in an urn on someone’s fireplace creeps you out, better make sure someone knows that and write it down! How about life saving measures if you are in an accident? Breathing tubes? What if you’re in a coma? Brain dead? These are horrible things to think about and it’s natural for all of us to never ever want to have to contemplate what we would do or have our loved ones do in those situations. As hard as it is, think about how bad the alternative could be. You could end up in a situation where the decision is simply taken from you because you were unable to make it for yourself. Or you were asked to make a decision on the spot for a loved one while having no idea what their wishes might be.

Talking about death sucks. It’s like touching a raw nerve. It freaks people out. No amount of cliché’s of it being a “natural part of life”, or it “happening to everyone” makes me feel any better. Does it make you feel better? How about when a loved one dies and you hear someone comfort you by saying they have “gone to a better place”? I think it’s what we all want to believe, but I still think a good number of us have a pretty healthy fear of the Unknown. So in terms of going to this “better place”, I’m hoping for a late check in, which leads me to my final topic: your health.

It’s simple really. Find out what your family history is in terms of health issues. Let your doctor know and then make sure you have regular check ups. Granted, you may not get everything and there are things you may get that your family doesn’t have, but knowing your risk factors is important. Those of you with kids are really high on my list of people to bug about this. And when I say bug, I only mean if you aren’t already getting regular check ups. Avoiding doctors because you don’t want to hear bad news makes no sense. Avoiding doctors because you feel fine is out too. Stop it. Get your regular check ups. And if you are taking medications on a regular basis, make sure you have them written down somewhere with the dosage information.

Well then. I think we’ve covered a lot of ground here today. I know I got a little “passionate” there at the end, but who can blame me? I tend to run full steam ahead into things that scare me. I’m not any more immune to being afraid of the big dirt nap than the rest of us. I just don’t like being afraid of it and I really don’t like avoiding necessary conversations about it. Maybe you won’t say anything to me about it; maybe you will. If you are at least thinking about it now, it’s something.

And finally, my most recent association to the Don’t Fear the Reaper song? More Cowbell!!

My Summer Book Report

My Dad is a big believer in empowerment. Growing up in his house, he often said his role was to serve as a guide. My siblings and me were free and even encouraged to make our own choices and to live with the consequences of those choices. Dad would step in if and when we were doing something stupid, er requiring guidance. Possessing an entrepreneurial spirit, he encouraged the same in his children. One such “encouragement” was the summer book report. It strangely felt like punishment, even if he did sweeten the deal with money.

I can’t remember the first summer it started, but I think it was one that I spent in California with my grandparents. True to form, there were choices available for the report topics. Now I ask you, what 5th grader could possibly refuse to see the excitement of reading such epic tomes as “Think and Grow Rich”, “Closing the Sale”, Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, or psychological self-help fare such as “I’m OK, You’re OK” and “Games People Play?” Shivers run down my spine just remembering it. Thank goodness he never took it a step further and got us involved in Toastmasters. Puberty was going to be hard enough.

All of that being said, I now have something interesting to report for this summer. Today I want to talk to you about Walter. Wladziu Valentino Liberace, known to the world by his stage name Liberace and to his friends as Lee, has a museum and non-profit foundation here in Las Vegas. The Internet is a wonderful thing, so I am not going to go into a complete biography of “Mr. Showmanship”, but I will say that I was surprised about many of the things I learned about him. In particular was his commitment to music education. He created a non-profit foundation called the Liberace Foundation for the Performing and Creative Arts in 1976. As a recipient of music scholarships himself, he used his celebrity to create the foundation and provide financial assistance for other aspiring musicians. To date, the foundation has awarded more than 5 million dollars in scholarship grants.

I bring all this up in the context of the summer book report because Walter strikes me as a pretty savvy businessman who understood how to capitalize on his talent. He was able to take something that he loved and believed in and make a living at it. He was then able to compound that love into a business, a cause, and a legacy. A true entrepreneur wouldn’t you say, Dad? Oh, if that was only the end of the story…

The other reason I bring up Walter is the BLING!!! Duh! I mean, have you met me???? I went to the museum a couple of weeks ago when Notlob was visiting. It was my first trip and it turned out to be a lot of fun. The costumes were amazing! And, I had my picture taken next to the World’s largest rhinestone. Still waiting for the picture…Anyway, there is a special exhibit this weekend for his shoes. SHOES! Like I was going to miss that? I think not. I arrived early this morning, Starbucks in hand, ready to be dazzled. (And anxious to see what temptations awaited me in the gift shop.) I happened to park next to a van for one of the local TV stations. I thought perhaps there might be some local coverage, but I wasn’t sure how high this thing rated. It is Vegas after all, right?

Once I was inside, I went into the exhibit and saw the display. What can I tell you? They were old blinged out shoes. Sure, the cowboy boots with the candelabra’s on them were cool, as were the red patent platform disco boots, but there were only about a dozen pair of shoes there. Was that it? Were those the best? I’m not sure exactly what I was hoping for, but pink loafers and red sequin Ked’s were strangely disappointing. I started wandering around the room and looking at the costumes and shoes again. Then a woman approached me and asked me if she could ask me a couple of questions on camera. Umm, YES!!

So she clips a microphone on me and tells me to watch her and not the camera and not to be nervous. (Oh, if she only knew who she was dealing with.) The cameraman gets me set up where he wants me and then we are off and running. I figure she is going to start with something easy and sure enough her first question is “What do you think of the shoes?” I said, “I think they’re great. I’ve already asked if they have replicas available in the gift shop.” She laughed and then asked, “I don’t know about you, but with the glamour of the costumes, it’s hard to notice the shoes, don’t you think?” I said, “Well, it’s interesting that you mention that. I didn’t realize the shoes on display would be from different costumes. So now I am looking forward to going back through the costumes and looking at the shoes again. But I don't think it matters how showy the rest of the costume is. I mean, the shoes make the outfit.” She said, “Perfect.”

Thank you, thank you very much. So now I just have to wait and see if I made it on the news at all. If not, I’ll probably wonder if maybe I would have benefited from a few toastmasters lessons after all? Here’s a cutie-patootie picture of Walter from the 1950’s.

Oh, and I managed to make it out of there with only one purchase. The shoes they had were not replicas of his shoes. How weird is that? They were just miniature shoes. Well, I have plenty of those, but I ended up with a rhinestone cowboy boot anyway. So I took that and my cupcake with Walter's picture on it and was on my way. I have a few hours left to try and figure out how to use my VCR before the news comes on. Why oh why do I not have TIVO???

PS: Ok, I saw the news piece. Sure enough, they kept the hook I gave them. "The shoes make the outfit." was the piece they showed. Awesome.

The Healing Field

There is a special 9/11 memorial here in town. One of the cemeteries on the north side of town has planted 3000 American flags in tribute to those who lost their lives 5 years ago. I decided to go. Actually, I felt compelled to go. Maybe it’s part of our society, but it seems completely appropriate to acknowledge a 5-year milestone. For the last 5 years, I cannot tell you what I have done on September 11, other than to wish a friend of mine a happy birthday. Kind of hard to forget that one, you know?

I attend memorials with a sense of curiosity and reverence. Washington DC is obviously the best example I can come up with in terms of comparisons. I have walked the walk and seen the various memorials and museums. The Holocaust museum was especially difficult to go through, as one would expect. I will say that for as solemn as these memorials and museums are and for as somber as they make me feel, I still find that I am a bit detached. I realize it is due to my age and the fact that I have no real connection to these past events. Even with older members of my family, we seem to have come through History remarkably unscathed. Perhaps then this is one reason why I struggle so much with the events of that day and especially with watching the Twin Towers. I have no frame of reference, no family member who experienced another horrific event that I can turn to and ask,” How did you cope?”

The events of September are (for me) the defining event for my generation thus far. Others may not agree and I certainly don’t belittle any of the military actions taken for the past 35 years or mean to imply that they somehow pale in comparison. A life taken is a life taken. Perhaps it is another product of my upbringing, but to watch a War on TV with landscapes I don’t recognize has a way of desensitizing the experience. How long has it been since a war was brought to our own soil? I don’t assume I am alone in hoping that 9/11 is as bad as it will ever get. And yet, I think we all know better. We somehow manage to find new ways to hurt each other. And now, five years after the fact, the documentaries and tributes that began as a trickle have moved out of the TV documentary stage and onto the big screens. Another product of our times, I suppose. First you report it, then you try to digest it with added "expert" commentary and public reaction (with plenty of finger pointing), then research and theorize in an attempt to understand the nature of it (and find a place to catalog it), and finally re-create it in your own image with your own message. It’s like a media based group therapy session and we are all going through the stages of grief together.

One memorial I have not gone to, nor do I plan on seeing any time soon is Ground Zero. I watched a special on TV this week about the Ironworkers in New York that came in after 9/11 to clear the site. It was agonizing for me just to watch it and to hear them speak about it. They showed the footage of the towers being hit and subsequently collapsing and it was as if I experienced it all over again. It’s been 5 years, but for me it’s still too soon. Will it always feel like this?

There are so many parts of that day that I struggle with when I think about it. I knew people in the towers. (They all made it out.) I worked there myself on a project just the previous year and stayed in that Marriott. I went down into the Mall in the afternoons to get ice cream. I still have my badge from the buildings. The cover for it has a picture of the towers and it says simply, World Trade Center. One thing I never managed to do was go to the top. I always talked about it but never made it. I’m sure all of that plus a million other things were swirling through my mind when I first heard the news that morning. By the time I was in front of a TV, both towers were burning. It seemed very strange and surreal to be in the basement workout area of my office building, sitting on a piece of gym equipment, and watching TV with my co-workers, most of whom were crying already. The shock and almost disbelief of what I was seeing as I watched them fall was my undoing.

Strangely enough, it wasn’t until later that day after I, as well as everyone else at work, was sent home and was sitting on my couch watching the news coverage and systematically going through an entire box of Kleenex that my mind finally grasped the fact that I had literally watched thousands of people die. It would be awhile before we would get a final body count between New York, Pennsylvania, and Washington, but I couldn’t get out of my head the fact that I sat on a God Damn rowing machine passively watching the most horrific thing I have ever seen. I was filled with a sense of horror and rage made worse by the fact that I also felt so helpless. Is this survivor’s guilt, maybe? I don’t know.

What I do know is that I had another raging headache; similar to the ones I had been getting almost daily for the previous month. A week later I would be admitted to the hospital for the first of several trips that Fall. Totally unrelated of course, but it is hard to think of one trauma without the other. In a way it offered me an escape from what was going on. I would only hear or see small pieces of the news for the next 6 weeks. By then, it was supposed to be back to business as usual. We were putting on our brave faces for the world and getting ready to retaliate. And on and on it goes…

The memorial is called the Healing Field. I’m choosing to think of it as not simply a title, but a wish and a prayer.

Seeing it in person was powerful. The rows of flags were grouped by flight number or location (Pentagon and WTC) alphabetically. At first I just walked along the outside, for some reason hesitant to walk through them. Eventually, I did walk through them. As you can see from the picture, there was a breeze blowing. It was gorgeous. The flags are spaced close enough that as you walk through, you can’t help but have them touch you. It was an odd feeling at first, but strangely comforting after a while. As I wandered a bit, I gave in to the urge to just sit among them. And then lay down.

As I walked through, I realized that attached to each flag was a laminated card with a name and small paragraph about the life that was taken. As I looked at the names, I decided to look for those people lost in the towers that shared my name. Is that strange? I don’t know if I fully understand yet why I did it. Maybe I just needed a name, maybe I needed to see my name and reaffirm my feelings of guilt and relief that it wasn’t me. I found 4: Claude, Gregory, Michael and Venesha. Four people who were strangers to me yet shared my family name. And then, once I had given the hard knot in my chest an identity, I wept for them and for all the others.

Fall

Ok, I’m ready for Fall to be here. I am still a long way away from Fall temperatures here. The news last night talked about a significant cool down for the rest of this week with temperatures reaching the mid 90’s. Yesterday we even had a thunderstorm. I haven’t seen one of those here since July. I went out to the grocery last night and as soon as I stepped outside I smelled a strange combination of rain and fire. One of the things I had to get used to here in the desert was the heat lightening and wild fires. Lightening strikes start many of the wild fires. Apparently yesterday was no different. As I was driving to the grocery I saw that the fire was in the mountains behind me. I took a picture with my phone, but it’s really awful. Still, I like it because it is a weird mix of rain clouds and smoke.

One of the other things I want to do is start my wardrobe change for Fall. Again, still too soon for that. Regardless, I went through my closet late last night and ended up trying on every pair of pants and every skirt I own and trying to decide what to keep and what to toss. (Sis, I am putting you on notice that another box is heading your way in the near future.) I love going through my closet and getting rid of things and then reorganizing what’s left. I just need to pace myself.

I think I am headed to Colorado in a couple of weeks. I’m looking forward to it. I haven’t had to travel there for work yet and I haven’t been there in years. Plus, I’ll get to experience some cooler weather without it being a blizzard. (And maybe wear some new boots.) The only concern at this point is the fact that this trip will come right up against my planned road trip in October. Can you imagine what would happen if I was in any way delayed for this trip? I shudder to think about it.

The Theme at Paris

Getting older is rough. Your body starts to let you down in slow, gradual ways that you may not even notice immediately. Then again, you can also just slip into bad habits that you may not realize until someone points it out to you. I have apparently slipped into a bad habit without realizing it. Over the last 2 weeks, it has been pointed out to me more than once that I am not only talking extremely fast, but I have started mumbling a lot as well. It does explain the fact that I have had to repeat myself a lot the last 2 weeks.

I was already well aware of the fact that I talk to myself out loud. It appears as though I continue to do it with other people around as well. Nice. I suppose as long as I am in fact, talking to myself and not to people that aren’t really there or answering the voices in my head, I’m OK, right? RIGHT??? So in addition to people not being able to understand me, which is weird enough, I have also been guilty of not hearing things correctly. My Dad should get a real kick out of that. In fact, Dad, this story is for you.

ThreeL and I were standing outside Treasure Island at the valet waiting for my car. So, while we were waiting there, she turns to me and asks me what I hear as “What is the theme at Paris?” I didn’t answer her immediately, and I know I gave her a look as if to say “Are you serious?” Eventually, I said it was French while still continuing to look at her strangely. She said, “Oh, well it wasn’t obvious from the name.” Now I was really puzzled. I said, “It isn’t? How much more French can you get?” At this point we are both looking at each other as if the other has lost her mind. Finally, she says, “I said, what is the theme at HARRAH’S?” Ahhh. At that point, conversation becomes impossible as we are all but rolling on the ground with laughter.

We had one other incident like that involving “drive thrus” and “dry foods”, but I can’t remember the details. Oh great. Now my memory is starting to go too.

Love, Love, LOVE

I caught the new Cirque du soleil show last night at the Mirage. ThreeL is in town visiting and we decided to go. It was fantastic. The new show features music by The Beatles. It is amazing to me that after so many years, Beatlemania is still alive and well and charging at least $35 for a t-shirt.

All of the cirque shows are good, and each one seems to get progressively more elaborate in terms of costume, stage design and sheer creativity when it comes to jumping, flying, and resting your ass on the top of your head because you apparently have no spine. This show was no exception. So much creativity, it was hard to know where to look. The stage set up is very nice and surprisingly intimate. The stage is essentially round with various spokes that lead to and from the stage. With all of the action happening in the center, there didn’t appear to be a bad seat in the house. Even the furthest row seemed very close. We had front row seats and I almost wish we were in the back. Next time…

You have to wonder with such an extensive body of work to refer to, how they decide on the songs to use for the show. I was under the very strong belief that I was going to recognize every song. In fact, I had never heard the very first song. (I have since figured out it’s Because from Abbey Road.) Anyway, aside from that first song, I believe I knew all the others. In addition to the music, voice recordings of conversations and interviews were also creatively used to transition between the musical pieces. If you have seen any of the cirque shows, they all tend to use the clowns/mimes for these transition pieces. Starting with the pre-show all the way to the finale, these characters are woven into the entire show. In some cases, I find their presence seems to provide the only continuity for the shows bizarre interpretive dance nature. I especially found that to be the case for Mystere.

But I digress. So, coming back to the music choices, you had to figure that in addition to using any number of their hits, they would also try and find a balance between who was singing the songs. I would say in general that was true. John and Paul performed the majority of songs (in terms of the primary voices). George’s songs included Here Comes the Sun, Something, and a very beautiful (and strangely emotional) While My Guitar Gently Weeps. George’s songs have always struck me as being so peaceful and beautiful in a simple and elegant way. I think that the interpretation by the performers for these songs reflected that as well. And then there was Ringo’s contribution. I wish I could tell you they used A Little Help from my Friends. To me, that is his best vocal contribution. But no, I understand from a performance perspective that there was going to be much more to visually work with by using Octopus’s Garden, and so it was. And it was incredible.

The performance of While My Guitar Gently Weeps had a very memorial/tribute feel to it, so I wondered what they were going to do for John. I think the iconic song for him is Imagine, but since it isn’t a Beatles song, I wondered what they might use instead. If indeed they were going for a tribute to John, I would say it happened with the song A Day in the Life. I have always found this to be an oddly depressing and dark song anyway, and it was interpreted as such, I thought.

Now if you know anything about me at all, you know I was singing along for almost the entire show. I think most people probably were. However, I think it is one thing to sing along because you know the music and enjoy it, and another thing to be forced into a sing-along. For me, the cheesiest part of the show was during the performance of Hey Jude. I love this song (and Julian Lennon!), but having the performers encouraging the audience to clap and sing along with the Na-Na-Na-Nas was a little too much for me. Luckily it didn’t go on too long.

The other thing I found to be a little strange was the 4 children in the show. There were 4 boys that appeared periodically throughout the show, representing the “four lads from Liverpool.” It was strange for me because I found it took me out of the show and made me wonder about what they were doing about school, why they were up so late, how they were allowed to be in the shows in the first place, blah, blah, blah. Regardless of my child labor internal dialogue going on, the boys were very good, and I decided that since in fact, they were not my boys, I would let it be. Oh yeah, I said it.

My first and final impression of the entire experience centered on the sheer commercialism of the entire operation. By that I am of course referring to merchandise. The gift shop was a complete zoo the entire time we were waiting for the theater doors to open. They had pretty much anything a new or “seasoned” Beatles fan might want and for a ridiculously high price. One area that I might re-visit is the CD’s. I have a number of Beatles CD’s, but for some reason I am still missing a few, such as the White album. Anyway, they had CD’s, DVD’s, and all kinds of other Cirque du Soleil stuff too. I still have my eye on a Beatles watch, but I settled for expensive t-shirts instead. Then there were the pictures. There is never any flash photography allowed in these shows, but there is always a group of photographers available to take pictures while you are seated. ThreeL and I already knew that if the picture was going to turn out decent that we were going to buy it regardless of cost. And we did. Aside from the fact that I look like I am about to fall right out of my shirt, I can’t complain too much about it. I may try and mess around with cropping the picture, but until then, please just disregard the strange urge you are going to have to fix my shirt. And if it’s any other urge, then keep your pervy comments to yourself.

ThreeL asked me to name my 5 favorite Beatles songs. Impossible. Unless it’s with the stipulation that the list would change about every 5 minutes. Ok, I’ll try and type fast.

1. If I Fell
2. Things We Said Today
3. The Night Before
4. For No One
5. Yesterday

Is Punk the New Pop?

I’ll say it. I don’t care for Hip Hop. There. Some of it is fine, but in general, I don’t go out of my way to listen to it. To me it still sounds like Rap, just with a melody. What I do find myself listening to is music that reminds me a lot of Punk from the 80’s. Now this in itself is not really a great stretch for me. I love 80’s music, but I was definitively a pop princess and not a punk whatever-you-would-call-them. I was more likely to listen to Wham! than The Cure.

I have purchased so much music this summer. I became such a fixture at Borders; I think they are going to name a pastry after me. (Probably some sort of tart, I imagine.) I also got a bit of an education into this word I had somehow managed to never hear before: Emo. Yeah, I know it’s been around forever. Like I said, not a lot of Punk hiding out in my music collection. Anyway, I seem to be making up for it. I believe I started with The Smiths. I really like them. From there, I focused more on newer artists.

I finally purchased a Green Day album. Hard to really call their new stuff Punk, isn’t it? The fact that it is so commercially successful probably doesn’t help. I still tend to think of Punk as the scary, pale kid with spiked hair and piercings wearing tartan and possibly a dog collar. Where before it was underground and edgy and cool, now that description could fit any number of bands I am seeing in heavy rotation on VH-1. The Killers, anyone? So apparently, I am still managing to stay true to my Pop roots.

One thing I should mention regarding Emo is that I certainly don’t find it all to be equal. There are a number of bands out there that I can’t seem to tell apart. Seriously, some song will come on the radio by the latest Snow Patrol, Fall Out Boy, Artic Monkey, Dashboard Confessional, Aqualung, Fray-band and I have no idea what the Hell I am listening to. And I don’t like Cold Play or James Blunt either. I’m good for about one song apiece and then it’s just noise. So here are some of the albums I bought this summer that I really like a lot:

• Kaiser Chiefs- Employment
• Camera Obscura- Let’s Get Out of This Country
• Imogen Heap- Speak for Yourself
• Keane- Under the Iron Sea
• KT Tunstall- Eye to the Telescope
• Wolfmother- Wolfmother

The other music I am listening to is more the dance/retro-disco stuff. It’s awesome. I need to check out the new Scissor Sisters album. I saw the new video this morning and I really like the song. I also saw a video for a group called OK GO. Too fun. I have to check that one out too. So here are more albums I bought that are a little easier to dance to:

• Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Show Your Bones
• Under the Influence of Giants- Under the Influence of Giants
• Panic! At the Disco- A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out
• Gnarls Barkley- St. Elsewhere

And finally, there has to be some mellow stuff too. I’ll also include the other albums that don’t seem to fit in the other lists.

• Katie Melua- Piece by Piece
• Ane Brun- A Temporary Dive
• Zero 7- The Garden
• Regina Spektor- Begin to Hope
• The Flaming Lips- At War with the Mystics
• Corinne Bailey Rae- Corinne Bailey Rae

Event Planning

I remember when I belonged to AAA. Planning a trip was pretty easy and those trip-ticks were great. For work travel, I have a corporate travel site. So that leaves personal trips. I have a weekend trip planned for the Fall and I cannot believe the amount of effort and time it’s taken to finally get all the details ironed out. Sure, I had some unique things to throw in there that I wouldn’t normally have, but I still didn’t think it would take up half the day.

Sleep
This is a short trip and I wanted to try and use my hotel points. This is easier said than done. First of all, I had to try and remember my account information when I went to the hotel website. Not a big deal if I am going through the corporate travel site, but doing this all on my own, I realized a couple of problems. First was the fact that I can’t remember ever being on this site before, so I have no idea if I have created a password or not. So, I tried to figure this out first. After lots of fun error messages and an extensive search through old emails, I finally gave up and went searching through my files for past statements. Yeah, I keep all of them for everything I belong to, doesn’t everyone? And there on page one for a statement that’s a good 6 years old is the information I’m looking for. Estimated time at this point is probably 30-45 minutes.

So once I can finally get in and review my account information, I now have to spend some time updating things like address, email, and all the rest of that stuff that is several years old. Once that is finally done, I can proceed to what I wanted to do in the first place, make a reservation. That process is easy enough and I am able to find what I need and apply my hotel points to them. And, now that I have updated my email information, I am reasonably confident that I will receive the appropriate confirmation emails and hotel certificates. But just in case, I go ahead and print everything anyway. Estimated time is now 90 minutes. At the end of this process I have 2 reservations and at least 6 emails sitting in my inbox.

Transportation
For such a short trip, I have managed to make transportation amazingly complex. In a 72-hour span of time I am driving and flying. Picking up a rental car in one location and returning to another. And I want to use an airline credit from a cancelled flight earlier this year. This alone is going to require at least 2 websites- Car and Airline. After fortifying myself with another cup of coffee, I begin.

I figure I’ll spend more time dealing with the airline, so I decide to tackle this first. I cross my fingers and hope that I can take care of what I need to do online. Amazingly enough, I can. Not only is my airline credit visible, applying it to the flight I want is as easy as clicking a button. No problem. Another email sitting in the inbox and it took me about 10 minutes. Wow. I know I have said it before, but I am in love with Southwest Airlines. Cattle call or no, they are by far the easiest and friendliest airline to deal with.

What was a little more surprising was the car reservation. Once again, this is a site I never visit because I generally make my reservations through the corporate site. So I have to go through the password process and updating information craziness before I can make my reservations. This took a bit longer, but still not bad. Probably 20-30 minutes and another couple of emails.

Where’s the Sun?
So now that I have a place to sleep and my transportation issues worked out, it’s time to figure out how to get from point A to point B. Google Maps is what I end up using. First, there is some pre-work involved. Since I love lists, I have to make a list of all the locations and the addresses. Once I have all of that handy, the map process is a lot easier. 6 maps later, I think I am finally ready to print everything.

You would think that is the end of it, right? Not quite. I don’t know about you, but I don’t completely trust any mapping software. I think we have all had experiences where strange directions appear that seem to take you far out of your way and of course, they can’t possibly account for construction. I also have a GPS system in my rental car reservation, but it hasn’t earned the name “Never Found” for nothing. So even after printing everything, I have to make some final searches just to be sure I have it all correct. That means going to each location for the trip and reviewing the directions they give for themselves. Hopefully, they know where they are, right? So a few more searches and notations later, I am finished.

I think all told I spent about 4 hours and printed about 12 pages of maps and confirmations. I feel pretty good at this point, but part of me is still going to try and be prepared for disaster. (If the f**king band cancels, for example) Believe me, if anything happens, you’ll hear about it.

5 More Things

The first list was a lot of fun to make, so I thought I would make another one. Enjoy!

5 Names I might have chosen if I could have named myself

• Penny
• Veronica
• Ginger
• Savannah
• Frankie (Francesca)

5 Bands your parents made you listen to

• The Beatles
• Bread
• The Seekers
• The Kingston Trio
• The Mama's and Papa's

5 Bands you would be a backup singer for

• Meatloaf
• Indigo Girls
• George Michael
• Prince
• Rufus Wainwright

5 Fashion trends you should have avoided, but didn’t

• Peasant Blouses
• A-line skirts
• Rugby striped shirts
• Wrap dresses
• Palazzo Pants

5 favorite carbs (the ones I eat most often)

• Potatoes!!!!
• Tortilla chips (and salsa)
• Pad Thai
• English Muffins
• Scones

Boxing with Babies- There Really is no Sport to it

I used to watch the West Wing every week. It was my favorite show for a couple of years. There was one episode where Josh (played by Bradley Whitford) caught site of a website dedicated to him. As he was reading it, his assistant Donna warned him to stay away from the chat rooms because they were filled with crazy people. He, of course, ignored her and ended up sending a post. The rest of that episode is about him not understanding the heated responses he receives from his post and basically confirming that Donna was right all along.

I tell you this brilliant story because I also have to agree with Donna. People in chat rooms are crazy. I got sucked into one last night. I have no excuses for my behavior. I was mad and upset and spoiling for a fight. So I picked one. The blog I wrote yesterday about the band I like so much? I posted it on their fan site. Yeah, yeah, I know it was probably not such a great idea. Like I said, I really don’t have a good excuse. So I just sat back and waited. It didn’t take long at all really…

I have to believe that the poor girl I shred to pieces over the next couple of hours was in her early 20’s, if that. She was clearly upset over an earlier post (not mine) and came in guns ablazin’ armed with her Caps Lock, emoticons, and her exclamation points. No sign of spell check at all. Even though I wasn’t the main target, she did make references to my post, and that was all I needed. I took a lot of pleasure in purposely misunderstanding her and twisting her words back on her. In fact, it was a little disturbing how much fun I had sharpening my tongue with her. Shameful! I didn’t resort to name calling, but I did offer her some pointers on her posting techniques as well as pointing out all the holes in her arguments. Is it wrong to feel secretly proud of all the sarcastic zingers I hit her with? (It would have been better if she had understood them.) Each time I sent a response I told myself to quit picking on a little girl. And each time she would come back with some sort of lame defense and try to take another shot at me. It was amusing, but it got old. (Sigh) I have nieces that are probably close to her age. I feel like I should call them and apologize. People in chat rooms are crazy, and I was probably the worst offender last night.

This morning I checked the site out again and she had sent me a private email. She was really upset now, but more in a bewildered, wounded sort of way and not in a hysterical rant like last night. Feeling like I had just told her there was no Santa, I made nice and told her we would just have to agree to disagree. I also apologized to her for purposely going after her. And then I couldn’t resist pointing out to her the perspectives she was still refusing to see (not agree with) and why I bothered to respond to her in the first place. I saw she responded back to me this afternoon, also apparently a little more clear-headed. She used full sentences and everything! Not only did she finally agree that she could have expressed herself a little better, but she even wished me and mine a safe and happy summer. Awww! We are looking forward to being lifelong friends and have agreed to exchange Christmas cards and cookie recipes from now on.

Snickerdoodle!!!

Suffering from Exhaustion?

Warning: My favorite band is having some "issues" and I was a little upset to read about it.

What a damn cliché. Substance abuse for a celebrity initially reported as “suffering from exhaustion.” Who buys this excuse anymore? The industry needs a new word for cokehead. I think we’ve all caught on to this one. And then the statements issued about how brave they are for admitting they have a problem, about wanting to get treatment, and apologizing for disappointing their family, friends, and fans. They didn’t give a shit about any of that while they were snorting coke and guzzling booze. Chances are the effects were starting to become way too obvious and they were about to be exposed anyway. How can these publicists stand their jobs? All they do is lie and spin and then deny and spin some more. What are they doing? Protecting the image of the band? Bulls**t. More like protecting the investment of the record company.

How many times are we going to have to hear the same old stories about a band’s meteoric rise to fame only to burn out because none of them understood how to handle it? It’s every damn episode of Behind The Music, just cut and paste the band name. How can you be a member of society in a developed country and not realize that money and fame and constant adulation will corrupt you if you let it? I don’t understand the need to follow in the long line of (mostly dead) drug addict muscians that came before in the name of experiencing the “Rock N Roll” lifestyle. Exhaustion! Of course he’s exhausted. He’s probably been awake for days.

I know I’m way, way up on my high horse here, but I really don’t understand the allure and dark romance of abusing drugs. Is it really as simple as wanting to do something forbidden? Is it about testing the boundaries of your celebrity status to see what you can get away with? Is it about subscribing to the agreed upon lifestyle of a Rock and Roll celebrity because it is expected? Is it the only way to be considered cool or important to the industry or your peers? Why does becoming a celebrity suddenly make it ok and even anticipated that you will believe all your media hype and all the ego stroking from your Record Company down to your fans ultimately turning into a**holes and taking for granted all the goals you worked so hard to achieve? Why do we hear these stories and call them “classic"? It’s pathetic and a total waste.

It’s not that I don’t understand on a very small scale what having an addiction feels like, or how hard it is to quit something that’s bad for you even when you want to, but somehow I managed to draw the line between sucking on a cancer stick and sticking needles in my arm or pickling my liver with Vodka. Granted, am I the one singing in front of thousands of people for a living, giving endless interviews, circling the globe on an endless merry-go-round of planes, trains, buses, and hotels? No. I didn’t make that choice. They did. The sheer idiocy and selfishness involved in destroying the talent you are being recognized for is completely beyond me.

And what are those brilliant excuses you hear? They started using drugs to:

Stay awake
Go to Sleep
Cope with Stress
Relax
Fit In

Maybe it’s the control freak in me talking here, but I have to believe that I would find another way to alleviate boredom or stress than disassociating with drugs and alcohol. But maybe (and I’m stretching here), I am looking at it the wrong way and it really is about control. It’s about taking control of the one thing left to them in their highly managed, overly exposed, relentlessly driven lives: their bodies. Perhaps they don’t get to make decisions about their touring schedule, but by God, they can decide how they are going to party every night of that tour.

Regardless of the excuse, guess what? It’s a bad decision. And it was all yours to make. You suck. Even though I want him to recover and be healthy (and grow the f**k up), I am always going to feel disappointed that he went down that road in the first place. Now he's just like everyone else.

Crushed

I think I am starting to get a crush on my UPS guy. For the last few months, I have gone to the UPS store near me weekly to send in expense reports or ship boxes of stuff to my sisters. So, since he is one of the few people I see on a regular basis in this town (aside from all my new best friends at the spa), we are moving beyond the generic “Hi, How are you today?” sort of conversation.

I hadn’t really thought too much about the situation until a few weeks ago. Two strange events that seemed to wake me up from whatever fog I was in. The first was showing up just as they were closing. Normally, I take care of my UPS errands during the day, but for whatever reason I slacked off until the end of the day. Anyway, as I was sitting in my car squinting to try and read the sign that has their hours posted, I see my guy come to the door and wave for me to come on in. I asked him if he was sure and he said it was no problem. So I went in and saw that the place was dark, the chain curtain they roll out was in place and it looked like he was ready to walk out the door when I showed up. He said he hadn’t shut the computer down yet, so he could still take care of whatever I needed. Good customer service? Hmmmm. This leads me to the second event.

During this same visit when he let me in, he starts making small talk. Ok, so knowing how I feel about small talk in general, you would think I would make some non-committal remarks and then be on my way. (In fact, I think I may have already mentioned this event in another blog.) However, he decided to start talking about the weather. To put this in context, it was July and so the daily temperatures around here were 110 degrees easily. Soooo, seemingly out of nowhere he asks me “Do you know if it’s going to be hot this weekend?” The look on my face was pure confusion, I’m sure. I wasn’t sure if he was serious or trying to be funny. I think at that point he realized the strangeness of the question and was embarrassed. Again, was he just making polite small talk with a customer and not even paying attention to what he was saying? Or was it something else?

I stopped by today to send in another expense report. While I was there I decided to get some information about a special they are running on mailbox rentals. When I first walked in, my guy was helping another customer. However, as soon as I asked the woman helping me about the mailbox deal, he stepped in to tell me all about it. I didn’t do anything yet (special or not, it’s more expensive than I expected), but I’m thinking about it. It would be nice to have a mailbox bigger than a loaf of bread.

Anyway, nothing overt or obvious has happened and maybe it won’t, but I needed to add a little drama over here, so apparently this is it for now. Stay tuned….

5 Things

I received one of those emails this week. You know the ones; they come from friends or coworkers or friends who used to be coworkers. They ask you about your favorite things or things you would bring on a desert island, or wishes you want to make, and so on. Basically, they are only a small step up from a chain letter. Most of the time I don’t bother with them, but sometimes I can’t resist. I received one this week and I filled it out and sent it back. I even copied 2 other people on it.

So I started thinking about the other things you could ask people. Forget the fantasy stuff, I want to know real things. I want to know about things in your everyday life that make you who you are. I want to know things that would surprise me. Not surprise me, as in freak me out, but surprise me because I know you and still don’t know everything about you. Forget the list of celebrities you want to stalk and tell me the list of junk food hidden your cabinets. Instead of telling me your favorite movies, tell me the ones you are embarrassed that you own.

Now I would never ask anyone to answer anything I wouldn’t answer myself, so here is a list of topics I started while sitting at breakfast yesterday.

5 Guilty Pleasure songs on your iPod (or similar type of song catalog):

• Britney Spears- Toxic
• Kermit the Frog- Rainbow Connection
• Ashley Simpson- L.O.V.E.
• Backstreet Boys- As Long As You Love Me
• Ricky Martin- She Bangs
  

5 Things to confess (or maybe NEVER confess) to your parents

• Having sex in the house.
• Having sex while they were in the house.
• Finally admitting that yes, I was the one who moved the gun.
• Until I was finally caught, I shoplifted everything I could get my hands on.
• Dad, you were right about that whole computer thing. Who knew this is where I would end up?
  

5 Majors You Wish You’d Chosen Instead

• Theater
• IT
• Journalism
• Music
• Film Studies (is that part of Mass Comm.?) I don’t know.
  
  

5 Movies you are Embarrassed to Own:

• What a Girl Wants
• The Pacifier
• The Pirate Movie
• Galaxy Quest
• Shanghai Knights
  
  

5 things in your junk drawer:

• Magnetic Poetry Kit
• Sink Stopper with a Pig on it
• Cat Butts- Field Guide (Long story. A result of my using the phrase “cat’s ass” a lot. Basically, I have a set of magnets on the fridge that are nothing but cat butts. The field guide came with it as a way “to help you get started with the wonderful hobby of cat watching and identification through the butt.” I have some weird friends.)
• Personal Pocket and Purse Pak- first aid kit clearly not kept in my purse or pocket.
• Mammowipe. I kid you not. Last year when I went in for my mammogram, they had these “patient cleansing towlettes” in the room called Mammowipes. I had to grab a couple of those.
  

Ok, so there you go. Now that is some information that you probably didn’t know about me. Not sure exactly what it’s supposed to reveal about me other than some questionable music and movie purchases. And that I need to clean out that junk drawer.

Working for the Weekend

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s my last week on this very lengthy project. This week is all about wrapping things up. That means some late nights and emergency chocolate. It also means a bit of a dry spell for blog topics. I hate the idea of writing just for the sake of writing, but here I am doing it. It reminds me of when my Grandpa would call my Dad to tell him he had nothing new to tell him. He did that every day.

So, it’s a sprint to the Finish Line this week. If anything interesting happens this week, aside from how much coffee I can consume on a daily basis, I’ll be sure and keep you updated.