Is Punk the New Pop?

I’ll say it. I don’t care for Hip Hop. There. Some of it is fine, but in general, I don’t go out of my way to listen to it. To me it still sounds like Rap, just with a melody. What I do find myself listening to is music that reminds me a lot of Punk from the 80’s. Now this in itself is not really a great stretch for me. I love 80’s music, but I was definitively a pop princess and not a punk whatever-you-would-call-them. I was more likely to listen to Wham! than The Cure.

I have purchased so much music this summer. I became such a fixture at Borders; I think they are going to name a pastry after me. (Probably some sort of tart, I imagine.) I also got a bit of an education into this word I had somehow managed to never hear before: Emo. Yeah, I know it’s been around forever. Like I said, not a lot of Punk hiding out in my music collection. Anyway, I seem to be making up for it. I believe I started with The Smiths. I really like them. From there, I focused more on newer artists.

I finally purchased a Green Day album. Hard to really call their new stuff Punk, isn’t it? The fact that it is so commercially successful probably doesn’t help. I still tend to think of Punk as the scary, pale kid with spiked hair and piercings wearing tartan and possibly a dog collar. Where before it was underground and edgy and cool, now that description could fit any number of bands I am seeing in heavy rotation on VH-1. The Killers, anyone? So apparently, I am still managing to stay true to my Pop roots.

One thing I should mention regarding Emo is that I certainly don’t find it all to be equal. There are a number of bands out there that I can’t seem to tell apart. Seriously, some song will come on the radio by the latest Snow Patrol, Fall Out Boy, Artic Monkey, Dashboard Confessional, Aqualung, Fray-band and I have no idea what the Hell I am listening to. And I don’t like Cold Play or James Blunt either. I’m good for about one song apiece and then it’s just noise. So here are some of the albums I bought this summer that I really like a lot:

• Kaiser Chiefs- Employment
• Camera Obscura- Let’s Get Out of This Country
• Imogen Heap- Speak for Yourself
• Keane- Under the Iron Sea
• KT Tunstall- Eye to the Telescope
• Wolfmother- Wolfmother

The other music I am listening to is more the dance/retro-disco stuff. It’s awesome. I need to check out the new Scissor Sisters album. I saw the new video this morning and I really like the song. I also saw a video for a group called OK GO. Too fun. I have to check that one out too. So here are more albums I bought that are a little easier to dance to:

• Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Show Your Bones
• Under the Influence of Giants- Under the Influence of Giants
• Panic! At the Disco- A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out
• Gnarls Barkley- St. Elsewhere

And finally, there has to be some mellow stuff too. I’ll also include the other albums that don’t seem to fit in the other lists.

• Katie Melua- Piece by Piece
• Ane Brun- A Temporary Dive
• Zero 7- The Garden
• Regina Spektor- Begin to Hope
• The Flaming Lips- At War with the Mystics
• Corinne Bailey Rae- Corinne Bailey Rae

Event Planning

I remember when I belonged to AAA. Planning a trip was pretty easy and those trip-ticks were great. For work travel, I have a corporate travel site. So that leaves personal trips. I have a weekend trip planned for the Fall and I cannot believe the amount of effort and time it’s taken to finally get all the details ironed out. Sure, I had some unique things to throw in there that I wouldn’t normally have, but I still didn’t think it would take up half the day.

Sleep
This is a short trip and I wanted to try and use my hotel points. This is easier said than done. First of all, I had to try and remember my account information when I went to the hotel website. Not a big deal if I am going through the corporate travel site, but doing this all on my own, I realized a couple of problems. First was the fact that I can’t remember ever being on this site before, so I have no idea if I have created a password or not. So, I tried to figure this out first. After lots of fun error messages and an extensive search through old emails, I finally gave up and went searching through my files for past statements. Yeah, I keep all of them for everything I belong to, doesn’t everyone? And there on page one for a statement that’s a good 6 years old is the information I’m looking for. Estimated time at this point is probably 30-45 minutes.

So once I can finally get in and review my account information, I now have to spend some time updating things like address, email, and all the rest of that stuff that is several years old. Once that is finally done, I can proceed to what I wanted to do in the first place, make a reservation. That process is easy enough and I am able to find what I need and apply my hotel points to them. And, now that I have updated my email information, I am reasonably confident that I will receive the appropriate confirmation emails and hotel certificates. But just in case, I go ahead and print everything anyway. Estimated time is now 90 minutes. At the end of this process I have 2 reservations and at least 6 emails sitting in my inbox.

Transportation
For such a short trip, I have managed to make transportation amazingly complex. In a 72-hour span of time I am driving and flying. Picking up a rental car in one location and returning to another. And I want to use an airline credit from a cancelled flight earlier this year. This alone is going to require at least 2 websites- Car and Airline. After fortifying myself with another cup of coffee, I begin.

I figure I’ll spend more time dealing with the airline, so I decide to tackle this first. I cross my fingers and hope that I can take care of what I need to do online. Amazingly enough, I can. Not only is my airline credit visible, applying it to the flight I want is as easy as clicking a button. No problem. Another email sitting in the inbox and it took me about 10 minutes. Wow. I know I have said it before, but I am in love with Southwest Airlines. Cattle call or no, they are by far the easiest and friendliest airline to deal with.

What was a little more surprising was the car reservation. Once again, this is a site I never visit because I generally make my reservations through the corporate site. So I have to go through the password process and updating information craziness before I can make my reservations. This took a bit longer, but still not bad. Probably 20-30 minutes and another couple of emails.

Where’s the Sun?
So now that I have a place to sleep and my transportation issues worked out, it’s time to figure out how to get from point A to point B. Google Maps is what I end up using. First, there is some pre-work involved. Since I love lists, I have to make a list of all the locations and the addresses. Once I have all of that handy, the map process is a lot easier. 6 maps later, I think I am finally ready to print everything.

You would think that is the end of it, right? Not quite. I don’t know about you, but I don’t completely trust any mapping software. I think we have all had experiences where strange directions appear that seem to take you far out of your way and of course, they can’t possibly account for construction. I also have a GPS system in my rental car reservation, but it hasn’t earned the name “Never Found” for nothing. So even after printing everything, I have to make some final searches just to be sure I have it all correct. That means going to each location for the trip and reviewing the directions they give for themselves. Hopefully, they know where they are, right? So a few more searches and notations later, I am finished.

I think all told I spent about 4 hours and printed about 12 pages of maps and confirmations. I feel pretty good at this point, but part of me is still going to try and be prepared for disaster. (If the f**king band cancels, for example) Believe me, if anything happens, you’ll hear about it.

5 More Things

The first list was a lot of fun to make, so I thought I would make another one. Enjoy!

5 Names I might have chosen if I could have named myself

• Penny
• Veronica
• Ginger
• Savannah
• Frankie (Francesca)

5 Bands your parents made you listen to

• The Beatles
• Bread
• The Seekers
• The Kingston Trio
• The Mama's and Papa's

5 Bands you would be a backup singer for

• Meatloaf
• Indigo Girls
• George Michael
• Prince
• Rufus Wainwright

5 Fashion trends you should have avoided, but didn’t

• Peasant Blouses
• A-line skirts
• Rugby striped shirts
• Wrap dresses
• Palazzo Pants

5 favorite carbs (the ones I eat most often)

• Potatoes!!!!
• Tortilla chips (and salsa)
• Pad Thai
• English Muffins
• Scones

Boxing with Babies- There Really is no Sport to it

I used to watch the West Wing every week. It was my favorite show for a couple of years. There was one episode where Josh (played by Bradley Whitford) caught site of a website dedicated to him. As he was reading it, his assistant Donna warned him to stay away from the chat rooms because they were filled with crazy people. He, of course, ignored her and ended up sending a post. The rest of that episode is about him not understanding the heated responses he receives from his post and basically confirming that Donna was right all along.

I tell you this brilliant story because I also have to agree with Donna. People in chat rooms are crazy. I got sucked into one last night. I have no excuses for my behavior. I was mad and upset and spoiling for a fight. So I picked one. The blog I wrote yesterday about the band I like so much? I posted it on their fan site. Yeah, yeah, I know it was probably not such a great idea. Like I said, I really don’t have a good excuse. So I just sat back and waited. It didn’t take long at all really…

I have to believe that the poor girl I shred to pieces over the next couple of hours was in her early 20’s, if that. She was clearly upset over an earlier post (not mine) and came in guns ablazin’ armed with her Caps Lock, emoticons, and her exclamation points. No sign of spell check at all. Even though I wasn’t the main target, she did make references to my post, and that was all I needed. I took a lot of pleasure in purposely misunderstanding her and twisting her words back on her. In fact, it was a little disturbing how much fun I had sharpening my tongue with her. Shameful! I didn’t resort to name calling, but I did offer her some pointers on her posting techniques as well as pointing out all the holes in her arguments. Is it wrong to feel secretly proud of all the sarcastic zingers I hit her with? (It would have been better if she had understood them.) Each time I sent a response I told myself to quit picking on a little girl. And each time she would come back with some sort of lame defense and try to take another shot at me. It was amusing, but it got old. (Sigh) I have nieces that are probably close to her age. I feel like I should call them and apologize. People in chat rooms are crazy, and I was probably the worst offender last night.

This morning I checked the site out again and she had sent me a private email. She was really upset now, but more in a bewildered, wounded sort of way and not in a hysterical rant like last night. Feeling like I had just told her there was no Santa, I made nice and told her we would just have to agree to disagree. I also apologized to her for purposely going after her. And then I couldn’t resist pointing out to her the perspectives she was still refusing to see (not agree with) and why I bothered to respond to her in the first place. I saw she responded back to me this afternoon, also apparently a little more clear-headed. She used full sentences and everything! Not only did she finally agree that she could have expressed herself a little better, but she even wished me and mine a safe and happy summer. Awww! We are looking forward to being lifelong friends and have agreed to exchange Christmas cards and cookie recipes from now on.

Snickerdoodle!!!

Suffering from Exhaustion?

Warning: My favorite band is having some "issues" and I was a little upset to read about it.

What a damn cliché. Substance abuse for a celebrity initially reported as “suffering from exhaustion.” Who buys this excuse anymore? The industry needs a new word for cokehead. I think we’ve all caught on to this one. And then the statements issued about how brave they are for admitting they have a problem, about wanting to get treatment, and apologizing for disappointing their family, friends, and fans. They didn’t give a shit about any of that while they were snorting coke and guzzling booze. Chances are the effects were starting to become way too obvious and they were about to be exposed anyway. How can these publicists stand their jobs? All they do is lie and spin and then deny and spin some more. What are they doing? Protecting the image of the band? Bulls**t. More like protecting the investment of the record company.

How many times are we going to have to hear the same old stories about a band’s meteoric rise to fame only to burn out because none of them understood how to handle it? It’s every damn episode of Behind The Music, just cut and paste the band name. How can you be a member of society in a developed country and not realize that money and fame and constant adulation will corrupt you if you let it? I don’t understand the need to follow in the long line of (mostly dead) drug addict muscians that came before in the name of experiencing the “Rock N Roll” lifestyle. Exhaustion! Of course he’s exhausted. He’s probably been awake for days.

I know I’m way, way up on my high horse here, but I really don’t understand the allure and dark romance of abusing drugs. Is it really as simple as wanting to do something forbidden? Is it about testing the boundaries of your celebrity status to see what you can get away with? Is it about subscribing to the agreed upon lifestyle of a Rock and Roll celebrity because it is expected? Is it the only way to be considered cool or important to the industry or your peers? Why does becoming a celebrity suddenly make it ok and even anticipated that you will believe all your media hype and all the ego stroking from your Record Company down to your fans ultimately turning into a**holes and taking for granted all the goals you worked so hard to achieve? Why do we hear these stories and call them “classic"? It’s pathetic and a total waste.

It’s not that I don’t understand on a very small scale what having an addiction feels like, or how hard it is to quit something that’s bad for you even when you want to, but somehow I managed to draw the line between sucking on a cancer stick and sticking needles in my arm or pickling my liver with Vodka. Granted, am I the one singing in front of thousands of people for a living, giving endless interviews, circling the globe on an endless merry-go-round of planes, trains, buses, and hotels? No. I didn’t make that choice. They did. The sheer idiocy and selfishness involved in destroying the talent you are being recognized for is completely beyond me.

And what are those brilliant excuses you hear? They started using drugs to:

Stay awake
Go to Sleep
Cope with Stress
Relax
Fit In

Maybe it’s the control freak in me talking here, but I have to believe that I would find another way to alleviate boredom or stress than disassociating with drugs and alcohol. But maybe (and I’m stretching here), I am looking at it the wrong way and it really is about control. It’s about taking control of the one thing left to them in their highly managed, overly exposed, relentlessly driven lives: their bodies. Perhaps they don’t get to make decisions about their touring schedule, but by God, they can decide how they are going to party every night of that tour.

Regardless of the excuse, guess what? It’s a bad decision. And it was all yours to make. You suck. Even though I want him to recover and be healthy (and grow the f**k up), I am always going to feel disappointed that he went down that road in the first place. Now he's just like everyone else.

Crushed

I think I am starting to get a crush on my UPS guy. For the last few months, I have gone to the UPS store near me weekly to send in expense reports or ship boxes of stuff to my sisters. So, since he is one of the few people I see on a regular basis in this town (aside from all my new best friends at the spa), we are moving beyond the generic “Hi, How are you today?” sort of conversation.

I hadn’t really thought too much about the situation until a few weeks ago. Two strange events that seemed to wake me up from whatever fog I was in. The first was showing up just as they were closing. Normally, I take care of my UPS errands during the day, but for whatever reason I slacked off until the end of the day. Anyway, as I was sitting in my car squinting to try and read the sign that has their hours posted, I see my guy come to the door and wave for me to come on in. I asked him if he was sure and he said it was no problem. So I went in and saw that the place was dark, the chain curtain they roll out was in place and it looked like he was ready to walk out the door when I showed up. He said he hadn’t shut the computer down yet, so he could still take care of whatever I needed. Good customer service? Hmmmm. This leads me to the second event.

During this same visit when he let me in, he starts making small talk. Ok, so knowing how I feel about small talk in general, you would think I would make some non-committal remarks and then be on my way. (In fact, I think I may have already mentioned this event in another blog.) However, he decided to start talking about the weather. To put this in context, it was July and so the daily temperatures around here were 110 degrees easily. Soooo, seemingly out of nowhere he asks me “Do you know if it’s going to be hot this weekend?” The look on my face was pure confusion, I’m sure. I wasn’t sure if he was serious or trying to be funny. I think at that point he realized the strangeness of the question and was embarrassed. Again, was he just making polite small talk with a customer and not even paying attention to what he was saying? Or was it something else?

I stopped by today to send in another expense report. While I was there I decided to get some information about a special they are running on mailbox rentals. When I first walked in, my guy was helping another customer. However, as soon as I asked the woman helping me about the mailbox deal, he stepped in to tell me all about it. I didn’t do anything yet (special or not, it’s more expensive than I expected), but I’m thinking about it. It would be nice to have a mailbox bigger than a loaf of bread.

Anyway, nothing overt or obvious has happened and maybe it won’t, but I needed to add a little drama over here, so apparently this is it for now. Stay tuned….

5 Things

I received one of those emails this week. You know the ones; they come from friends or coworkers or friends who used to be coworkers. They ask you about your favorite things or things you would bring on a desert island, or wishes you want to make, and so on. Basically, they are only a small step up from a chain letter. Most of the time I don’t bother with them, but sometimes I can’t resist. I received one this week and I filled it out and sent it back. I even copied 2 other people on it.

So I started thinking about the other things you could ask people. Forget the fantasy stuff, I want to know real things. I want to know about things in your everyday life that make you who you are. I want to know things that would surprise me. Not surprise me, as in freak me out, but surprise me because I know you and still don’t know everything about you. Forget the list of celebrities you want to stalk and tell me the list of junk food hidden your cabinets. Instead of telling me your favorite movies, tell me the ones you are embarrassed that you own.

Now I would never ask anyone to answer anything I wouldn’t answer myself, so here is a list of topics I started while sitting at breakfast yesterday.

5 Guilty Pleasure songs on your iPod (or similar type of song catalog):

• Britney Spears- Toxic
• Kermit the Frog- Rainbow Connection
• Ashley Simpson- L.O.V.E.
• Backstreet Boys- As Long As You Love Me
• Ricky Martin- She Bangs
  

5 Things to confess (or maybe NEVER confess) to your parents

• Having sex in the house.
• Having sex while they were in the house.
• Finally admitting that yes, I was the one who moved the gun.
• Until I was finally caught, I shoplifted everything I could get my hands on.
• Dad, you were right about that whole computer thing. Who knew this is where I would end up?
  

5 Majors You Wish You’d Chosen Instead

• Theater
• IT
• Journalism
• Music
• Film Studies (is that part of Mass Comm.?) I don’t know.
  
  

5 Movies you are Embarrassed to Own:

• What a Girl Wants
• The Pacifier
• The Pirate Movie
• Galaxy Quest
• Shanghai Knights
  
  

5 things in your junk drawer:

• Magnetic Poetry Kit
• Sink Stopper with a Pig on it
• Cat Butts- Field Guide (Long story. A result of my using the phrase “cat’s ass” a lot. Basically, I have a set of magnets on the fridge that are nothing but cat butts. The field guide came with it as a way “to help you get started with the wonderful hobby of cat watching and identification through the butt.” I have some weird friends.)
• Personal Pocket and Purse Pak- first aid kit clearly not kept in my purse or pocket.
• Mammowipe. I kid you not. Last year when I went in for my mammogram, they had these “patient cleansing towlettes” in the room called Mammowipes. I had to grab a couple of those.
  

Ok, so there you go. Now that is some information that you probably didn’t know about me. Not sure exactly what it’s supposed to reveal about me other than some questionable music and movie purchases. And that I need to clean out that junk drawer.

Working for the Weekend

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s my last week on this very lengthy project. This week is all about wrapping things up. That means some late nights and emergency chocolate. It also means a bit of a dry spell for blog topics. I hate the idea of writing just for the sake of writing, but here I am doing it. It reminds me of when my Grandpa would call my Dad to tell him he had nothing new to tell him. He did that every day.

So, it’s a sprint to the Finish Line this week. If anything interesting happens this week, aside from how much coffee I can consume on a daily basis, I’ll be sure and keep you updated.

Dehydrated, Chapped and Covered in Germs

Lucky me. Yesterday I woke up, turned on the news, and experienced the emotional high and low of yesterday's travel news. I was glad obviously, that the latest terror plot had been uncovered before I had to step on a plane. I was also glad that I wasn't trying to get in or out of London yesterday.

However, for all my happy thoughts about the "good guys" finding the "bad guys", I also had a bad feeling about trying to fly home and what kind of delays were in store for me. Turns out, everything was pretty much status quo when I got to the airport. I already knew about the ban on all liquids, so I had to move my eye drops, hand lotion, and Purell (that really sucked) into my checked bag. I also knew I wasn't going to be able to bring a bottle of water on the plane as I normally would. The airport had huge trash cans everywhere for people to dump their things if they couldn't or wouldn't put them in their luggage.

All in all, things weren't too awful in the airport in terms of getting through security. I think it was really a positive reflection on the TSA organization in how quickly they were able to incorporate the new restrictions and get enough staff in place so the delays through security were minimal. The worst delay, which was no surprise to me, was a ground delay before take off. Hard to know for sure if it was related to the events of the day or just a busy air traffic time as usual in the Northeast. Regardless, I was stuck on the ground for another 2 1/2 hours before we were finally able to take off.

One other thing to note here was that I was flying a different airline than normal. Since I wasn't on Southwest, it meant I had a seat assignment, a movie, real food (for purchase, of course) and all the "frills" that Southwest lacks. Honestly? They can keep their damn frills. I had a miserable flight. Starting with my seat assignment (which was on the aisle) next to an elderly woman with the World's Smallest Bladder, to waiting over an hour at baggage claim for my luggage, I realized how much I love the bare-bones, extremely friendly, and chronically ON TIME nature of Southwest. Suddenly the cattle-call doesn't seem like such a hardship. Besides, having to get there so early for the line up means I have more time to drink my coffee before boarding.

The Tao of Shoes- Shoes for Whatever Direction Life Takes Me

Before I could start writing this topic, I needed to do some research. Sometimes the titles come to me first and then I need to figure out what I mean to say. In this instance, I had no idea what Tao meant. Kind of important since it appears in the title. So, after a short trip to wikipedia, I know more than I need to know. I happened to come across the Winnie the Pooh version, which seems like a fun way to learn about it. I sense another book to add to my library. So, my working definition for Tao would be “A particular way of appreciating, learning from, and working with whatever happens in everyday life.” And if Winnie the Pooh can have a version of Tao, I don’t see why I can’t have one related to shoes.

Simple and Uncomplicated
So if the basic principle here is to find a way to deal with everyday life, then it stands to reason the something simple and uncomplicated would take you pretty far. In shoe terms I am thinking of something that is the right size, provides good arch support, and probably has a sensible heel. (How many of you have seen me in shoes fitting that description?) You run into complications when straying from these basic ideas. My closet contains its fair share of these “complications.” From sizes that are aren’t quite right to heels that are impossibly high and therefore impractical, I end up taking away the simple fun of wearing new shoes.

Shoes for the Sake of Owning Shoes
A good friend and I often talk about our “retail therapy” sessions. We end up doing a lot of unnecessary shopping to help fill time, fill the closet, fill something. Buying shoes for the sake of owning them doesn’t sound like a great reason. If you aren’t going to use them or enjoy them, why waste the money, right? Once again, I can point to a few offenders in my closet that I have yet to wear since I purchased them. Something pretty, something flashy, something unique that caught my eye and triggered the “must own” directive in my head. I try to balance the work shoe and the play shoe. There is a difference between shoes that are appropriate for an office, that you can wear all day, and run through the airport, and those that you put on, then walk to the car and sit, walk to the restaurant and sit, walk to the theater and sit….you get the idea. I love owning these shoes and I own a lot of them, but wearing them is another story.

Shoes for the Sake of Complaining About Something
This is not where I start blaming my shoe shopping on the idea that I wasn’t hugged enough as a child. I think it’s a bogus excuse. I may joke about my retail therapy sessions and buy too many pairs of shoes, but I also manage to pay my bills, save for retirement, and buy food that isn’t limited to Ramen noodles and Spam. I think my shoe complaining is limited to blisters or bad arch support. Apparently I need to read the first section again about simple and uncomplicated. Instead, I bought these shoe stretcher things to help break in the new shoes. Oh, ok I’ll tell you a secret. I also wear new shoes when I vacuum. Is that weird? It seems like a 50’s housewife thing to do, but there you have it. Clean floors and stilettos, maybe I should have included this in the multi-tasking blog. Ah well. Needless to say, my floors get vacuumed a lot.

Knowing Your Limitations
I should probably refer to this as knowing the limitations of my bank account. But my initial thought is more along the lines of the limitations of my closet space. There are shoes everywhere. Given my penchant for organization, my closet has gone through a number of “reorganizations” to try and accommodate them all. It isn’t working.

I have tried a number of different storage options. I can tell you that I am not a fan of the over-the-door shoe racks. I just don’t like them. I have also finally weaned myself off of the plastic shoe racks that snap together. Those things are a killer to take apart and put back together. I also had one tower that ended up buckling under the weight. So, I’ve graduated to wood and steel. No messing around any more. I kind of wish I had taken the approach of keeping the shoeboxes and taping a picture on the outside of the box. I get depressed when I think about the stacking and re-stacking opportunities I have missed. Talk about simple and uncomplicated! Once again, I strayed from the simple solution and went with an option that isn’t working for me in the long run. I wonder if you can buy shoeboxes?

Midwest Vacation- You have to Leave it to Like it

Semis and Cornfields
It’s been more than 6 months since I was last back in the Midwest. It’s funny how you can forget small details when you are gone for a while. One of the first things I noticed once I hit the open highway was the sea of semi-trucks. I had forgotten just how many of those things would be sharing the road with me. I’ve never really had a problem with them, but it does get a bit tedious when you are stuck in a caravan on a two-lane highway with nothing but orange cones for miles. One other driving item worth mentioning was the thank you wave. It has been a long time since someone bothered to wave a hand in thanks when I let them in front of me.

Old Friends and Older Music
While sitting in traffic one morning, I was scanning through the various radio stations and came across an old favorite: Bob and Tom. Sometimes they can be pretty funny. It’s just about the only morning show I could stand to listen to on the morning commute. So, I listened to it. Of course after that, I went shopping and bought yet another car doodad for my iPod so I wouldn’t have to rely on the radio the rest of my visit. It was either that or death by Journey and Fleetwood Mac.

Something else I had forgotten on the commute was the “vitamin yogurt” smell. There is this one section of road that goes past a Jim Beam plant and Grace Davison chemical plant. The result is this weird powdery, yeast, and fruit smell combo that I call “vitamin yogurt.” So gross. I completely forgot about holding my breath as I drove through there. There is another section of road near one of the malls that also has it’s own nasty smell. This one is affectionately known as “grilled meat butter.” I forget what kind of plant is located over there, but it smells like old oil from fast food fryers and God knows what else. The smell is so heavy you worry about it leaving a residue on you. Hmm. I probably missed my calling as a writer for Zagat's, huh?

Solid as a Rock
In addition to spending quality time with my family, I also had a chance to catch up with some friends and coworkers. It was nice to see everyone again and get caught up. It’s probably the most social I have been since the last time I visited. It is a startling contrast to life at home. I don’t make that observation in a negative way, but I would be lying if I said it wouldn’t be nice if some of my friends or family lived a bit closer to me. Almost everyone I saw this week asked me if I was happy with the move and if I had considered moving back. I think the move was one of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time. I can’t say that I would ever choose to move back, but visiting is nice. Here is a picture that sums up what I think is really weird about the area.

Hard to believe I left that for this, huh?

Family

It’s hard to write about family. Not only because they’ll read this and want to know if I am talking about them, but because it is impossible to be objective. I often think about how individuals growing up in the same environment can develop into such different people. In part, I believe it is because we influence each other and a choice that might work for one does not make it a choice that is right for the rest. The need for individuality drives us to make different choices, good or bad. When thinking about family dynamics, there does seem to be a sort of balancing act going on: the good kid and the bad kid, the over achiever and the mooch, the comedian and the straight man. It is so hard to break out of the roles you establish as kids. Some people don’t ever want to change and that’s fine. Some parents won’t let them anyway.

Family Matters
You have to tread lightly when it comes to family matters. No matter what level of honesty you think you have, there are always the invisible boundaries that you know you just can’t cross. Even the not so invisible, white elephant in the room issues are sometimes things you know you can’t talk about without drawing battle lines and risking some form of alienation. Whether it’s more current issues of child-rearing, spousal idiosyncrasies, and aging parents, or past injustices of divorce, remarriage, and blended families, any type of family get together can be a virtual mine field to try and traverse successfully without blowing up.

On one side of this double-edged sword, your family consists of your most loyal and staunch supporters. As your own personal cheering section, no one knows you and accepts you like family. In theory, you should feel safe and loved and respected enough to express thoughts and feelings without fear of repercussion. And then there is reality. The other side of the sword unfortunately can have a serrated edge. No one has the power to hurt more than family. The ones that know us the best always know where the bruises are to poke. Even when the intent is to help, there is a fine balance between constructive criticism and judgmental bitchiness. Not only is that balance affected by the delivery technique of the messenger, but it is also in the perception of the recipient. Sometimes it just seems easier to bite your tongue than swallow your foot.

Performance Anxiety
We all perform for our families. Whether it’s putting on a happy face to avoid pointed discussions about certain areas of your life, or passive-aggressive surliness because you weren’t hugged enough as a child, we all have roles we play within the family dynamic. Even if you don’t play that role anywhere else, it is hard to avoid falling back into it when reunited with the original cast. And, whether you agree with me or not, I believe most people possess the ability to read body language, tone and expressions for our loved ones. You learn it as a child, and hone it the rest of your life. Believe me, if a parent can distinguish between the different cries a baby makes, they can certainly tell when you are lying, placating, avoiding, hurting, and manipulating. And, you can read them just as easily. This can cause no small amount of anxiety for some, especially if they are trying to hide something unpleasant that they know their families would love to pounce on if given the right opening.

Family Fishbowl
Just when you start to think that your immediate family has enough drama in it, you get together with your extended family. This is a gossip lover’s dream come true. You get to dish the dirt that has been accumulating in your family closet since the last get together. It’s like a bizarre talent show. The joke tellers are flying high on the opportunity to tell the latest batch of bad jokes. The latest batch of offspring are dressed in their best onesies and ready to be passed around, kept up past bedtime and generally pissed off that a bunch of strangers are making fish-faces at them. It’s a potpourri of health issues, make-ups, break ups, births, deaths, and dry chicken dinners from this year’s buffet. It’s pool time and time outs. Board games and bored teens. Old family movies, old pictures, web cams and slide shows. Talent shows and family Jeopardy. It is chaos, confusion, comedy and camaraderie. And 12 short months until the next one.

It’s a Dry Heat - Conversation Topics for Small Spaces

In general, I would say that I don’t care much for making small talk. It’s awkward and when you get stuck having to do it longer than you expected, it can be excruciatingly boring. There seem to be certain situations where it seems to naturally take place. I think of elevators and waiting rooms or just small spaces where you end up grouped with strangers. I guess there is always the hope that you will come across someone really interesting, but that’s rare. The worst is being stuck next to a chatterbox on a long flight.

Then there are the situations where small talk is needed to take attention off of other things, like flight delays. I also find that making small talk to your hair stylist is a good thing. I find that I do it with doctors too, especially the “girl” doctors. The people that I have to deal with that I need something from, I am more likely to encourage small talk.

So what the heck are you going to talk about? There’s always the weather. Amazing how many conversations begin over an observation of what’s going on outside, or what’s coming, or what just left. While I sit in airports, I often end up in conversations about airports and travel in general. There comes a point in the conversation where it is either going to end naturally or it’s going to morph into an interview. I guess it depends on who is asking the questions, but I generally try to avoid the interview.

So let’s see, today I made small talk with at least 4 people today: my doctor, my pedicurist, my skin care therapist, and the UPS guy. Now since these are all people I see on a regular basis, it’s a little bit beyond small talk reserved for strangers. Although I did have a weird conversation with the UPS guy last week. I went to go and send my expense receipts in as usual and walked in the door just as they were getting ready to close. He saw it was me and let me in. We chatted for a few minutes while taking care of the mailing business I had and then he asked if it was supposed to be hot for the weekend. I looked at him with a puzzled look on my face and asked him if that was a trick question. (I mean it’s July in the desert!) He realized what he asked and seemed a little embarrassed by it. I let it go although I did laugh and say that Yes, I did think it was supposed to be quite hot for the weekend. Man, it’s bad when you unleash your go-to small talk topic and it’s totally inappropriate.

Missing my Exit on the Road to Nowhere

What’s your vector, Victor?
Do you give good driving directions? Do you have a preference in terms of the type of directions you are given? For instance, my Dad prefers to give directions in terms of miles and compass points. Personally, I think it is his firm belief in the failure of the education system as a whole that causes him to punish me with these directions. ”Head west on Smith Road for about 6 miles then turn south on Johnson Ave. Drive 12 miles until you get to the Shopping Center. The building you are looking for will be on the Northwest corner of the intersection.” I keep waiting to get longitude and latitude coordinates.

You Can’t Get There From Here
Then there are those who apparently don’t know the name of a single street or landmark in the town they have lived in since birth. The directions are so vague you don’t have a prayer. You simply nod and move on and ask someone else. I had someone today "help me" by offering these helpful directions. “When you leave here, you are going to come to a light and then go left for a little bit and turn left at the light. You’ll see a Dunkin Donuts and then you’ll be near the Mall. Oh, and there’s some construction along the way.” Yeah, right. I just looked at her not saying anything for a minute and then just nodded and said, “Ok, thanks.” The translation of those directions was amazing. "Little bit" apparently means about 10 miles through road construction, lane closures, walking a plank, swinging from a vine, and a high ropes course. And THEN I saw the Dunkin Donuts.

Where’s the Sun?
As a personal preference, I like directions that use landmarks and street names. I like to know whether I am coming to a stop sign or a traffic light and how many of each I can expect. The GPS systems in the rental cars or things like Mapquest are generally fine, but they don’t always give the best routes, and they certainly have no idea about construction or detours.

Getting lost can be a bonding experience. It can also cause a lot of friction. It depends on what you’re doing and who your wingman is, I guess. Some really funny adventures happened to me when I was lost. And for some reason, 3 incidents in particular involved Marienne as a witness. The first time was the first project we were on together. Somehow I got roped into driving to the hotel. I was using the GPS system and still managing to make wrong turns. I swear the voice got snippy with me. At one point she told me to just make a legal U-turn anywhere. She stopped calculating my route. Bitch.

The other 2 incidents I am thinking of spawned sayings that we still use today. The first incident had a conversation that went a little something like this:
“Was that our exit?”
“No, I think ours is coming up.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, we have to take the North exit.”
“But, isn’t that downtown over here?”
“Yeah, well sometimes you have to go North to go South.”
“Uh huh.”

The other saying is me asking, “where’s the sun?” I can’t remember the context of our conversation, but it was once again while we were in the car and I was behind the wheel. It makes me sound like a total idiot, I know. Honestly, I really don’t get lost that often (as long as it isn't cloudy). And I’m convinced that if nothing else, I give fantastic directions.

The Road to Recovery- Celebrating the Quitter in Me

Every Breath I Take
I quit smoking. I feel pretty confident about it, so I hope it's really for the last time. It hasn't been as difficult as some of the other times I've quit. I think there have been a couple of key things that make this effort different and hopefully, more successful.

Picking the Right Holiday
First of all, I didn't try to do it for New Year's. I think the biggest jinx I could put on something is to try and tie it to a resolution. I wanted to quit before my birthday, but I didn't really have a day in mind. Things just worked out that it happened to fall on Father's Day. I was cutting it close to the birthday, but close still counts. It also helps being away from home since I don't typically smoke when I'm traveling. Having been on the road for several weeks before "the day" helped get me into a good routine and get used to not smoking for several days at a time.

Triggers
My biggest triggers for smoking, aside from working from home are stress related. If I were ever going to crack, it would have been today. Long hours, technology problems, and just minor irritations that kept building on each other all day long, would generally have driven me chain-smoke. I thought about it. I really did. But I thought about it more from the perspective of "that's what I used to do" rather than what I was going to do.

The other typical trigger would be alcohol. So far, that hasn't been an issue either. It's a heck of a lot harder though. I'm not a heavy drinker, but even one drink is enough to make me feel like I should be holding a cigarette. I miss it. I mostly liked it. If it wasn't going to kill me or bankrupt me I'd be hard-pressed to find a good reason to quit. It's just as well that I don't drink often, I suppose. I guess if I get to a milestone where I feel like celebrating this, I'd better stick to my new addiction: coffee. I'm definitely not ready to give that one up.

Salem and Carpet Fresh
One of the changes that my sisters are going to need to get used to is the different smell. I typically send boxes of various things to them throughout the year. On more than one occasion, I have heard remarks about how the things in the box seem to smell like a mix of cigarette smoke and my carpet freshener. Yuck. I'm still addicted to the carpet freshener, but at least now it should only be competing with my fabric softener and not my ashtray.

Fruit N Fiber Weekends- Maintaining Your Regularity

You have to be able to multi-task in this world. Some people are better at it than others. For a girl on the go, I have precious little free time between flights to try and squeeze in “normal” activities. In my overly scheduled and spontaneity-free life, I find that weekends are just as choreographed, just in a different way. I want to be able to do some fun things, but I know that I have to get my version of “chores” done as well. While I was in the midst of completing what I am calling my “fruit and fiber” tasks, I made a quick list of all the tasks I try to lump together in an attempt to fool myself into thinking I have some sort of normalcy right now. So here we go.

Cranberries and Comet
I have been completing yet another organization project the last couple of weeks. This time with my CD’s. It’s a space issue, as always. Since I was knee-deep in CD’s anyway, I decided to go through them and make sure I had everything I wanted on my iPod. As I came across CD’s that needed to be added to the library, I realized that I couldn’t just sit there waiting. So, time to go clean the bathrooms. And sort laundry. Luckily, none of these things are overly labor-intensive. So, once the bathrooms were clean, the laundry is going, and yet another CD is being added to iTunes, I find I need something else to do as well.

Pulp Fiction and Cascade
I love to read. I read a lot and I read fast. I am always at bookstores looking for more things to read. I came home this weekend to find not one, but 2 packages from Amazon loaded with books I have been looking for, but can’t find in my bookstores. Woo!! New books call to me. When I know they are in the house, I find I am likely to sit and read to the exclusion of everything else, food and sleep being the primary sacrifices. So, knowing that I have these temptations so close is killing me because I really have too many other things to do. So, I start the dishwasher. Then pop another CD in. Then do another load of laundry. All the while, the books are calling to me. Who am I kidding here? I grab a book and plant myself in front of my laptop so I can still deal with the music project. I tell myself I can certainly spare a couple of hours for this. So I do it. And now here I sit, listening to some song on my iPod wondering, why did I download this song? This song sucks.

Omelets and Junk Mail
As you can imagine, I am probably not my postman’s favorite person. My mailbox fills up pretty fast during the week. Of course, it’s mostly crap. The flyers they put together out here are maddening and just ridiculous. It would be one thing if they appeared once a week but instead they appear almost every day. What I end up yanking out of my mailbox at the end of the week looks like the weekend edition of a large newspaper that has been crumpled and stuffed into my mailbox page by page. I hate going through my mail. So, I try to pair up this task with something I love: breakfast. This is great because it gives me something to do at the restaurant while I am waiting for my food. And before some of you freak out on me, no, I don’t leave anything there that might have my name or address on it. I take it home with me and pitch it in the dumpster on my way in. I find that this system seems to work for me since the junk mail never makes it into the house.

Grocery Nirvana
I think we all have certain chores we just hate to do and will put off doing as long as possible. Mine is grocery shopping. I hate it. One perk about being gone so much is that I rarely have to do it. But, when I am home for a while, I do what I can to make this task a little less tedious. First, it’s all about location. I have a nice grocery store near me with a Starbucks in it. Yeah, so I have to go and fortify myself with caffeine first. Then, it’s the music. You’d better believe I have that iPod charged and ready to go. I find that shopping for food and whatnot with a soundtrack and a latte makes this gypsy a happy girl.

Fashion Shows and Movie Stars
Every week I stand at my closet and wonder what in the world I am going to throw together this week for work. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I pick a color and then run with it. I don’t like wearing the same things week after week, so I have to mix things up. Granted, it would be a much simpler process if I didn’t insist on this, but I don’t care. So there is always a mini-fashion show going on as I try to find something to wear and generally destroy my closet in the process. I find this is also a good time to get caught up on my movie rentals. I really need to hook up my other DVD player in my bedroom, but it hasn’t made it high enough on whatever list I have for that kind of thing. So, I have a VCR and a bunch of old movies. This weekend was Apollo 13 and The Cutting Edge. These are movies I have seen a number of times, but it’s still nice to have something on in the background.

Taking Things Too Far
The only time I really resent multi-tasking is when I am asleep. Last night, for example, I was dreaming about work. I hate it when I do that. It generally is an indication of a deadline of some sort coming up. This normally happens before I have to train something for the first time. In this case, I think it’s more wishful thinking. This is supposed to be my last week on my project, but I think it’s going to get extended. In the meantime, I have been working extra hard to try and wrap up as much as I can by the end of this week anyway.

One of the people I am working with here mentioned something last week about their Dentist contemplating adding some additional services. Namely, manicures. Can you imagine getting your teeth cleaned, filled, or whatever, while getting a manicure? I think some tasks should be left alone.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Orange

What do you think of when you hear the word Orange? Food, like oranges and pumpkins? Colors, ranging anywhere from palest peaches to deep tomato? Holidays, like Halloween or Thanksgiving? Or maybe places like New Jersey or Florida and California? As usual, something insignificant happened that led me down this path of thinking. Today, it was Starbucks. I was enjoying a pumpkin scone this morning and started thinking about pumpkins. I won’t go through the scary stream of consciousness that took off from there, but I will strive to put the highlights into some sort of coherent order for you.

Food
Ever try to sit and think about what kind of orange food you might consume on a regular basis? It might be a bit easier for the vegetarians out there, but being a meat-eater, I don’t know that I pay that much attention aside from carrots. Besides, all the publicity seems to go to the green vegetables. Where would we be without oranges and other citrus foods? Riddled with scurvy, no doubt.

So, orange food that I can stomach would lean more toward the fruit side as opposed to the vegetable side of things. Oranges, peaches, nectarines and mangos. Not real high on my list of orange foods is pumpkin and yams. I can eat pumpkin as an ingredient in pastry like pumpkin bread or scones, but not as pumpkin pie. Although I do make an attempt each Thanksgiving to try to hated orange foods. I’m sorry, but yams, candied or otherwise are just gross.

Color
Of all the bright colors I surround myself with, the glaring omission in my rainbow is orange. I never really cared for the color. It makes my skin look a little on the green side, and why would I want that? I tried giving peach a shot, especially in the 80’s. And frosted peach, at that. It was awful. My other aversion to orange comes from my hair and “when highlights go wrong” episodes. One wrong step and I have orange hair, which is just no way to live. It makes me feel like a clown. Yeah, and clowns are scary. And clowns wear orange. Ergo, orange is scary. Must stay away from orange. And clowns. (Another good reason to learn how to make my own balloon animals.) Now, just for entertainment value, I am also including a link to a website to let you all know what orange says about you if it shows up in your aura. Oh, and here is a picture of me dressed as a clown. Note the orange hair. If this doesn’t turn you off to clowns, I don’t know what will.

Fear and Candy Corn
Other things not doing wonders for the image of orange: Halloween and Stanley Kubrick. Why is orange associated to Halloween? Is it the pumpkins? Is it supposed to represent the moon? I’m sure the answer is out there somewhere. One good thing about orange and Halloween is candy corn. Yummy. I like circus peanuts too, which I know are gross. Plus that whole circus/clown connection is there.

One movie that I simply cannot watch is A Clockwork Orange. I can’t do it. Even understanding what it is about and being a psychology major and all that crap couldn’t convince me to sit through it. (So I guess in terms of aversion therapy, I say Bravo!) Maybe I was too young at the time, but I have no desire to see if I could sit through it now either. It also makes me a little hesitant to watch any movies with Malcolm McDowell.

Nicknames
Well, let’s just end this thing on a positive note for the weekend, shall we? A couple of other orange related items to share with you deal with nicknames. My Dad still calls me “pumpkin” to this day and my grandma used to call me “peachy”, so there you go. As an added bonus, here is a picture of me incorporating so much of my orange discussion. It represents the color, a holiday, a food, one of my nicknames and the picture was even taken by my grandma. I think the only thing missing is Malcolm McDowell dressed as a clown and eating circus peanuts.

I Don’t Remember Seeing This in my Job Description

We all have routines. Sometimes those routines are comforting. They help reestablish order after chaos, they reassure us with their familiarity. And some routines just bore us to tears. Commuting to work, doing housework, grocery shopping, packing and unpacking, and so on. I was thinking about all of this as I was going through my morning routine at the office, namely crawling around under my desk plugging things in. At last count, I need 3 outlets to “begin” my day: 2 laptops and the charger for my iPod. As I was completing this very graceful morning ritual, it made me think about my job in general and all the things my job description leaves unsaid.

I’m sure you’ve thought about it and probably even complained about it. Granted, there is no way any job description is going to present you with an itemized list of all the things you “could” be asked to do in the line of duty. I understand that. This is really more of a humorous look at some of the things we end up doing for the job. And when I say “we” I mean me. Let’s face it; it’s always about me here….

Power-hungry
As I mentioned previously, part of my routine regardless of where I am in the world, is the search for power. Whether it’s plugging in one of the many laptops I am sometimes forced to accept, or searching for Internet connections for said laptops, there always seems to be a short supply of power and power-related accoutrements. If they can make those fun little gadgets called stud-finders (great name), why can’t they make something like that for power outlets? My uncle was showing off some gizmo he got for Christmas that locates wireless hotspots. He was over the moon about it. He’s probably camped out in a hotel parking lot right now, surfing the Net for free.

Once you do find them, why are they located in places that require you to be a contortionist or worse, an electrician? Honestly, if they are going to make you navigate through some crawl space that the cleaning crew has never discovered (hey, it’s not in THEIR job description), then they ought to provide one of those miner hats with the light and some kneepads. This is an especially nice image if you happen to be wearing a skirt that day. How often does someone stop by your desk expecting to find you, only to see you emerging from UNDER the desk (possibly giving yourself a concussion in the process) or even worse, with just the back end sticking out while you are fumbling in the semi-darkness for the outlet?

The other end of the spectrum is the hotel outlet. I only mention one because there always seems to be a single outlet in the one area you need at least 2: the desk. In the hotel where I have been living, the outlet under the desk has one of those accessories added to it that gives it another 4 outlets. Yeah, and 3 of the 4 are still taken up by the lamp, the modem, and sometimes even the damn coffee pot. Meanwhile, on the other 3 walls, too far away from the modem to be of any use, are outlets galore. So, then I get in to decorator mode and rearrange the room fixtures, trying to get just one more outlet I can use. I don’t move the furniture any more than I have to. I do NOT want to know what lives under anything in there. And then housekeeping changes everything back again. It’s like my own version of Groundhog Day.

The ole Soft Shoe- When Puttin’ on the Ritz turns into Stayin’ Alive
As an instructor, you know that not every class is going to be perfect. You understand that unexpected things happen that are beyond your control. Assuming you are using some sort of media or teaching aid that requires you to rely on a power source other than the sound of your voice, you definitely need a backup plan. You should set your mind at ease now and realize that things are going to go wrong.

How you decide to handle life’s little interruptions to your militantly organized and timed training event (that is already trying to squeeze 8 hours of content into 6) separates the facilitators from the imitators. Time to dust off the tap shoes, hat and cane. Initially, I think the minor inconveniences (a blown bulb in a projector, the temperature in the room, thin walls, weird system bugs that have suddenly chosen today to make an appearance.) can be easily worked around and should have been addressed as part of your backup plan. If not, easiest thing in the world is to send them on break. Deal with your issues without an audience, if possible. Like it or not, you are the authority in the room, so don’t blow your cover on something small.

Even with the bigger problems (system crash, the class from Hell, last minute changes to materials that you haven’t prepared for that are still warm from the printer), you still should attempt to give the illusion of control. Again, when things start to fall apart, take a break. Find whatever support you can for the issues you can’t put a band-aid on and then start looking at your agenda for things to condense or skip. I think the key point again here is to keep your cool. Your audience (contrary to what you may be thinking) is not stupid and can sense your fear and even worse, your escalating frustration. Treat them like adults, whether they deserve it or not, and just get through it. I think this also calls for a (mental) costume change. For the really bad moments, tap shoes and a cane aren’t going to get it done. Your choreographed soft shoe routine will backfire on you at this point. It’s time now for the sweatband, the kneepads, and extra-sassy fingerless gloves. This routine may not be as polished as you’d like, but you are still in charge, and you still have an agenda to get through. You rock and you know it, and your evaluations will reflect that when all the other areas get trashed.

Then again, maybe it’s a good thing job descriptions are so broad. Could you imagine what the interview process would be like? New Hire training? More like Welcome to Boot Camp. I can just picture a certain trainer from my past dressed in camouflage saying "Ok people, I'm holding a grenade. This WILL be on the test." Frightening!

Unexpected Turbulence

I was sitting on a plane reading a book. My hair had fallen into my face and I went to move it out of the way. As I ran my fingers through my hair to push it off my face, it triggered a memory. I was reminded of a trip to see my Mom. I had come to town to go with her to a family reunion. Her side of the family gets together every couple of years and I invited myself to go with her. I had never met any of these people and naturally, I was curious about them.

Before we were to make the drive to the reunion site, we were sitting on the couch together and she was showing me family photos and family tree type documents for her family. As I sat there reading, she reached out and touched the back of my head, running her fingers through my hair. It surprised me. It was a seemingly spontaneous gesture that I didn’t have to initiate. I should have been pleased. Perhaps for a moment I was. I think I was so focused on the fact that it happened that I didn’t really stay “present” and enjoy it. Does that make sense?

It was sad for me to think that moment was going to stick with me for no better reason than its blatant uniqueness. And then I was angry for the same reason. It almost made me wish it hadn’t happened. Almost.

Sometimes simple gestures are complicated.

One Step Closer to the Edge- The Control Freak is Freaking Out

I’m gonna blow a gasket. I can feel it. I am the volcano that buried Pompeii. I am the San Francisco earthquake and the Asian tsunami. I am seriously pissed. I am seriously over-reacting. That’s why I’m typing instead of screaming and throwing chairs like a guest on Springer. I want to wear sunglasses all day today. I need to hide the Death rays shooting out of my eyes. The glare that wants to pin you to the wall and scream at you about your incompetence while performing Three Stooges-type abuse to your body.

Driving in to work today, I wanted to listen to Linkin Park. (It should be Enya) I wanted to listen to Guns N Roses. (It should be Sade) I wanted to listen to Queensryche. (It should be…well, ok have you heard Silent Lucidity? Geesh.)

Incompetence. That’s what’s eating me today. Things that are beyond my control. My “judging light” is not only on; it could power the state of Pennsylvania today. (Thank God for all the Amish.) Some of this is directed at myself, of course. I know better than to hold other people to the same standard I hold for myself. It leads to disappointment more often than not. I know it, and it still gets to me. I can’t stand to have to work with people who don’t share the same work ethic. People with no concept of deadlines, no understanding of the importance of sharing communication or the impact of not sharing them, and no insight at all when it comes to setting expectations and then resetting expectations when warranted. But as much as working side-by-side with someone like this can get on my nerves, I am really tortured by being managed by such an individual.

X’s and O’s- Remembering to Breathe
I understand that everyone is different. In order to get along, you have to be able to go with the idea that being different doesn’t translate into being wrong or bad. Sometimes a different perspective can bring things to light you have overlooked or missed altogether.
I seem to recall some little nugget of information from my past about recognizing that the traits/habits/idiosyncrasies we seemingly despise about other people can be traced back to things we ultimately recognize and possibly dislike about ourselves. So let me run with that for a minute.

I’m a detail person. I’m a perfectionist and a control freak. More so on the job than outside, but probably still your classic Type A personality. If you have ever taken a personality test, you are probably familiar with the names Myers-Briggs or Keirsey. I like those classifications a little better than the more general Type A/Type B distinctions. When I hear Type A, I picture some straight commission sales guy “making deals” and generally working himself into a heart attack. If you have ever seen the movie Glengary Glen Ross, you’ll know the type I mean. Since I don’t feel I identify with that type of person, I tend to prefer some different measurements and interpretations. Personality tests are very subjective. I think they can provide insight into your behaviors in various situations, but they are not the sum total or final say in who you are. According to Keirsey, I am an ESFJ. This translates into Extroversion/Sensing/Feeling/Judging. Here is a link to the page. I would recommend taking the test just to see where you fall. I thought maybe I could find a site that offered it for free, but no go on my initial search.

It does bother me sometimes that I can’t be a little more laid-back, a little more forgiving, and a little less judgmental. However, if I really wanted to change I would, so apparently I am fine to just think about being different rather than actually practicing it. So, continuing with this topic, the people that drive me nuts, especially at work are the people I mentioned above who don’t worry about the fire because they are oblivious to the flames. While I may envy their Zen-like attitudes outside of the work environment, I have a hard time dealing with them at work. And I must say that my methods of “dealing” can be a little childish. The same people that are oblivious to the flames are surely also going to be oblivious to the death rays coming from my eyes. They may even try to be helpful and offer me Visine.

Embracing My Passive-Aggressive Tendencies
So, I decided to get online and look up passive aggressive behavior. Perhaps shame myself into realizing what a waste of time and energy it is, and a generally cowardly and ineffective thing to boot. Now obviously, I don’t end up holding back as often as I probably should, but really, I bite back a lot more than you might think. (And somewhere out there, Lionel still deserves an apology from me.) Still, in a business situation, you really don’t want to be the person that flies off the handle a lot. People get angry, so if it happens, just realize that it happens to everyone. But, getting angry all the time is probably not a good thing, especially if you don’t learn to deal with it constructively, if at all.

I’m a list maker. Maybe that’s just how I choose to deal with chaos. I can’t tell you the number of times I have written out every word of a difficult conversation I knew was coming. Not that I was planning on reading a script, I just wanted to figure out where my mind was going to go if it really had free-reign. It’s cleansing and helps me to calm down. I may still be upset, but I generally feel like I won’t suddenly start frothing at the mouth. It also helps me organize my thoughts a little better, so that when it is time to have the discussion, I give the appearance of rational thought rather than knee-jerk, drama queen hysterics.

Whew. And just like that, the situation has been diffused somewhat and I am now back on simmer. Not a great place to be, but also not in imminent danger of committing career suicide either. Now, time for more coffee. I have a meeting coming up…